¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most common crime in your country?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹é*¿ø
2022-08-02 1620

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What do you think is the most common crime in your country? Why?

The most common crime in Korea is sexual assault. Most criminals¡¯ target are women. The reason why this crimes don¡¯t decrease is low-level government punishment. So I think the intensity of the sentence should be strengthened in Korea. Also ¡®Death Penalty¡¯ is need for criminals. If it comes back to South Korea, the crimes will be strikely decreased. But someone think it is inhumane. But in my opinion, it is much better for criminals to get hurt than for innocent people.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Harry!
Thank you for writing this beautiful essay. 
I loved reading your opinions in relation to the question. 
I also agree that death penalty should be reinstated because it has a stronger impact on criminals. 
Anyhow, I hope you're doing great. See you in class tomorrow. ^^
~Teacher Charry :)



The most common crime in Korea is sexual assault. 
>> CORRECT!
Most criminals¡¯ target are women. 
>> CORRECT!
The reason why this crimes don¡¯t decrease is low-level government punishment. 
>> The reason why this crime doesn't decrease is because of the light punishment the government gives. 
So I think the intensity of the sentence should be strengthened in Korea. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> So I think heavier punishment should be given in Korea. 
Also ¡®Death Penalty¡¯ is need for criminals. 
>> Also, ¡®death penalty¡¯ is necessary for criminals. 
If it comes back to South Korea, the crimes will be strikely decreased. 
>> When reinstated in South Korea, the crimes will strikingly decrease. 
But someone think it is inhumane. 
>> But some people think it's inhumane. 
But in my opinion, it is much better for criminals to get hurt than for innocent people.
>> But in my opinion, it is much better for criminals to get hurt than innocent people.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125083 1. What is the USA most famous for? 2. What do you think about... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 2
125082 25.Jan.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 1
125081 Which greeting kind of annoys you? ¹Ú*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 1651
125080 Is it okay for other people not to have a bucket list? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 5
125079 1/25 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 713
125078 2023-1/25 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 607
125077 What are you most afraid of? Why? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 927
125076 What is the most valuable lesson that we can learn from children? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 784
125075 What\'s your thought on teachers who have teachers\' pets? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 3
125074 I lost..... :( ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 717
125073 my ideal type ¹Ú*º° ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 558
125072 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 529
125071 Please take note of specific English skills you want to enhance... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 838
125070 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 1514
125069 Hoarding disorder ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 2
125068 It`s cold ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 1
125067 What are some traditions for Lunar New Year? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 853
125066 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 1
125065 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 775
125064 What is your favorite movie line? ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 952

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04