¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most common crime in your country?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹é*¿ø
2022-08-02 1352

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What do you think is the most common crime in your country? Why?

The most common crime in Korea is sexual assault. Most criminals¡¯ target are women. The reason why this crimes don¡¯t decrease is low-level government punishment. So I think the intensity of the sentence should be strengthened in Korea. Also ¡®Death Penalty¡¯ is need for criminals. If it comes back to South Korea, the crimes will be strikely decreased. But someone think it is inhumane. But in my opinion, it is much better for criminals to get hurt than for innocent people.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Harry!
Thank you for writing this beautiful essay. 
I loved reading your opinions in relation to the question. 
I also agree that death penalty should be reinstated because it has a stronger impact on criminals. 
Anyhow, I hope you're doing great. See you in class tomorrow. ^^
~Teacher Charry :)



The most common crime in Korea is sexual assault. 
>> CORRECT!
Most criminals¡¯ target are women. 
>> CORRECT!
The reason why this crimes don¡¯t decrease is low-level government punishment. 
>> The reason why this crime doesn't decrease is because of the light punishment the government gives. 
So I think the intensity of the sentence should be strengthened in Korea. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> So I think heavier punishment should be given in Korea. 
Also ¡®Death Penalty¡¯ is need for criminals. 
>> Also, ¡®death penalty¡¯ is necessary for criminals. 
If it comes back to South Korea, the crimes will be strikely decreased. 
>> When reinstated in South Korea, the crimes will strikingly decrease. 
But someone think it is inhumane. 
>> But some people think it's inhumane. 
But in my opinion, it is much better for criminals to get hurt than for innocent people.
>> But in my opinion, it is much better for criminals to get hurt than innocent people.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120366 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 598
120365 My city ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 4
120364 What comes into your head when you hear the word \"money\"? How... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 416
120363 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 0
120362 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 2
120361 Power English homework : Writing what I mostly do in my weekends. ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 257
120360 What is the cheapest yet valuable thing that you own? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 640
120359 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 491
120358 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 3
120357 About ourselves ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 3
120356 2. homawork Á¶*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 0
120355 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 0
120354 Are video games good for relieving stress? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 410
120353 Q È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 13
120352 annoys & stanger ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 739
120351 How do you think the world would be different if there was only... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 742
120350 What if you could live longer than any other people, what will... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 1
120349 What exactly are people looking for when they buy luxury goods? ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 616
120348 Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 0
120347 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-01 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04