¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Hi Gemmar

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Áø
2022-08-01 688

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: In other countries, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

We have the place where there are nurses and doctors to look after the elderly In Korea.
All of Korean who make money have to pay every month medical insurance which payment inculdes prepration for when we get old.
With this insurance , all the elderly korean can use nursing program on small money.
Korea medical insurance system is famous for cheap and well organised system in the world.
But as people's life is getting longer, the nest generation have to pay more and longer than the elderly had paid.
Goverment already knows that the money will run out soon because of life extention, therefore medical insurance fee has been increaseing every year.
I don't complain because I will be also old. (SAD)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ms. Eunice! Thanks for diligently answering your essay! See you later! I'm actually in the office now because my area is affected with power interruption. I hate going to the office. Hahaha! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
We have the place where there are nurses and doctors to look after the elderly In Korea. ( IS IT SILVER TOWN? )
>>> CORRECT 
All of Korean who make money have to pay every month medical insurance which payment inculdes prepration for when we get old.
>>> Koreans have to make money to pay their monthly medical insurance which includes the preparation for senior life. 
With this insurance , all the elderly korean can use nursing program on small money.
>>> With this insurance, the elderly Koreans can use the nursing program with small amount of money.
Korea medical insurance system is famous for cheap and well organized system in the world.
>>> CORRECT 
But as people's life is getting longer, the nest generation have to pay more and longer than the elderly had paid.
>>> But as people's life expectancy is getting longer, the next generations have to pay more and longer than the elderly. 
Goverment already knows that the money will run out soon because of life extention, therefore medical insurance fee has been increaseing every year.
>>> The government already knows that the money will run out soon because of longer life expectancy, therefore the medical insurance fee has been increasing every year.
I don't complain because I will be also old. (SAD) ( IT'S SOMETHING INEVITABLE THAT'S WHY PEOPLE DO YOLO )
 >>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123871 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 2
123870 HOMEWORK: What extreme sports do you know? Why do you think... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 3
123869 Homework (11/29) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 5
123868 I love the local food. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1227
123867 HOMEWORK: What is the most interesting thing about learning... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 2
123866 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 0
123865 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1158
123864 What is your busiest day of the week? Why is it the busiest day? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1168
123863 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1
123862 What do you think about genetically modified food? Do you think... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1461
123861 What can you say about media bias? Does it exist in your... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1468
123860 Many children rebel through clothes, music, and extreme... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1384
123859 free ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 952
123858 11/29 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1480
123857 26.Nov.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1
123856 Who is the best classmate you\'ve ever met? What makes that... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 0
123855 Do you have better conversations when you are drinking? Why or... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1604
123854 11/28 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1894
123853 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 2
123852 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04