¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Hi Gemmar

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Áø
2022-08-01 889

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: In other countries, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

We have the place where there are nurses and doctors to look after the elderly In Korea.
All of Korean who make money have to pay every month medical insurance which payment inculdes prepration for when we get old.
With this insurance , all the elderly korean can use nursing program on small money.
Korea medical insurance system is famous for cheap and well organised system in the world.
But as people's life is getting longer, the nest generation have to pay more and longer than the elderly had paid.
Goverment already knows that the money will run out soon because of life extention, therefore medical insurance fee has been increaseing every year.
I don't complain because I will be also old. (SAD)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ms. Eunice! Thanks for diligently answering your essay! See you later! I'm actually in the office now because my area is affected with power interruption. I hate going to the office. Hahaha! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
We have the place where there are nurses and doctors to look after the elderly In Korea. ( IS IT SILVER TOWN? )
>>> CORRECT 
All of Korean who make money have to pay every month medical insurance which payment inculdes prepration for when we get old.
>>> Koreans have to make money to pay their monthly medical insurance which includes the preparation for senior life. 
With this insurance , all the elderly korean can use nursing program on small money.
>>> With this insurance, the elderly Koreans can use the nursing program with small amount of money.
Korea medical insurance system is famous for cheap and well organized system in the world.
>>> CORRECT 
But as people's life is getting longer, the nest generation have to pay more and longer than the elderly had paid.
>>> But as people's life expectancy is getting longer, the next generations have to pay more and longer than the elderly. 
Goverment already knows that the money will run out soon because of life extention, therefore medical insurance fee has been increaseing every year.
>>> The government already knows that the money will run out soon because of longer life expectancy, therefore the medical insurance fee has been increasing every year.
I don't complain because I will be also old. (SAD) ( IT'S SOMETHING INEVITABLE THAT'S WHY PEOPLE DO YOLO )
 >>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126066 What is the worst season in your country? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1061
126065 What are your chances of getting a call from LEGO? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126064 What is the first step of moving on? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126063 How different are hobbies now from hobbies in the past? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1331
126062 Throw ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126061 Are you optimistic or pessimistic about artificial intelligence... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 924
126060 Homework ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 822
126059 Homework ¹è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1099
126058 How do you support the \\ Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1110
126057 March 1st ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 2
126056 2/28 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 4
126055 homework 02-27 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-02-27 668
126054 2023-2/27 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-27 926
126053 Why do you think people commit crimes? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-27 845
126052 Do you think that people have the right to own a gun? Why or why... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-27 863
126051 The changes happening in my country. ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-27 1028
126050 Insect ÃÖ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-27 689
126049 Cat ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-27 1249
126048 Homework ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-27 658
126047 The best pets ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-27 941

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04