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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

What do you think about the health care system in your country? How could it be improved?

작성자: 황*하
2022-07-26 751

회원님의 영작문

I believe that the medical service and health care system in my country is the best in the world because we have a national insurance that cover most of diseases. We are asked to pay for insurance fee mandatorily every month. It is not high amount. It is about 3.5% of people's income. All people who pay for national insurance just need to pay 5% of total medial expenses. That's why it is really easy to access the hospital with a small amount of money. However, people try to find the most famous doctors and see a doctor, even though their symptom is mild. There are primary, secondary and third medical center in my country. People are asked to visit the primary hospital, if they have cold, stomach ache and so on because major hospital has its role that treat serious disease such as cancer, hemorriage and so on. However, many people would like to visit the biggest center because they believe that doctors in there are more skillful than primary center. It has to be controled to improve it

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

I believe that the medical service and health care system in my country is the best in the world because we have a national insurance that cover most of diseases. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I believe that the medical service and health care system in my country is the best in the world because we have a national insurance that cover most diseases. 
We are asked to pay for insurance fee mandatorily every month. 
>> CORRECT!
It is not high amount. 
>> It is not a high amount. 
It is about 3.5% of people's income. 
>> CORRECT!
All people who pay for national insurance just need to pay 5% of total medial expenses. 
>> CORRECT!
That's why it is really easy to access the hospital with a small amount of money. 
>> CORRECT!
However, people try to find the most famous doctors and see a doctor, even though their symptom is mild. 
>> CORRECT!
There are primary, secondary and third medical center in my country. 
>> There are primary, secondary and tertiary medical center in my country. 
People are asked to visit the primary hospital, if they have cold, stomach ache and so on because major hospital has its role that treat serious disease such as cancer, hemorriage and so on. 
>> People are asked to visit the primary hospital, if they have colds, stomachache, and so on because major hospitals have its role that treat serious diseases such as cancer, hemorrhage, and so on. 
However, many people would like to visit the biggest center because they believe that doctors in there are more skillful than primary center. 
>> However, many people would like to visit the biggest center because they believe that doctors in there are more skillful than primary centers.
It has to be controled to improve it.
>> CORRECT!

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