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영작교정 게시판

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What kinds of jobs do you think robots can do already? How would you feel about having a robotic col

작성자: 황*하
2022-07-26 761

회원님의 영작문

I have worked with robot that generate radiation for cancer patient treatment. It has 6 arms that deliver radiation to more than 1000 positions automatically. It was revolution in my field because traditional models have a limitaion of exposure position due to the its unique shape. Since my hospital introduced the robotic unit, the result of treatment has been improved dramatically. However, we can't admit as is the robot which has self-intelligence, so it can do anything without human's order. Although, I don't have much idea about the development of robots, It is easy to see many robots around our lives such as deliver robot, robot vaccum cleaner and so on. I have both views on the robots. I am sure that it has a lot of advantages, but many people are replaced to robots that might result in serious social problems. I am quite close to use machines because of my job so I think I can get along with it very well if our society create another jobs.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

I have worked with robot that generate radiation for cancer patient treatment. 
>> I have worked with a robot that generate radiation for cancer patient treatment. 
It has 6 arms that deliver radiation to more than 1000 positions automatically. 
>> CORRECT!
It was revolution in my field because traditional models have a limitaion of exposure position due to the its unique shape. 
>> CORRECT!
Since my hospital introduced the robotic unit, the result of treatment has been improved dramatically. 
>> CORRECT!
However, we can't admit as is the robot which has self-intelligence, so it can do anything without human's order. 
>> However, we can't admit as if the robot has self-intelligence, that it can do anything without human's order. 
Although, I don't have much idea about the development of robots, It is easy to see many robots around our lives such as deliver robot, robot vaccum cleaner and so on. 
>> Although, I don't have much idea about the development of robots, It is easy to see many robots around our lives such as delivery robot, robot vaccum cleaner and so on. 
I have both views on the robots. 
>> CORRECT!
I am sure that it has a lot of advantages, but many people are replaced to robots that might result in serious social problems. 
>> I am sure that it has a lot of advantages, but many people are being replaced by robots that might result in serious social problems. 
I am quite close to use machines because of my job so I think I can get along with it very well if our society create another jobs.
>> I am quite close to using machines because of my job so I think I can get along with it very well if our society create other jobs.
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