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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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What would be the advantages and disadvantages of making all drugs legal?

작성자: 권*원
2022-07-21 1189

회원님의 영작문

The advantage of making all drugs legal is that it can be helpful for countries' finances.
The demand for finding dugs is getting higher, recently.
Many business owners are down because of the economic crisis, so they are finding drugs that make them feel higher.
The demand is high all over the world besides South Korea.
That's why there are many drug traffickers who export their drugs to other countries.
If we allow them to export drugs legally, it will help with our country's finance.
On the other hand, the disadvantage of it is that drugs might improve the percentage of sexual crimes.
In Korea, drugs are used to lure women to feel higher in many clubs.
The women who take drugs a lot might black out, then the possibility they will be the subject of sexual crimes is improving.
Actually, we should protect human dignity rather than the country's finance.
Therefore, drugs should be forbidden forever.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

I totally agree with keeping it forbidden, Jiwon. Although in some countries like the USA, it is used to treat certain diseases and is supposed to have restrictions but they still can not keep addicts from abusing these drugs so I think it's better to keep it illegal rather than risking drug addiction in society. Once again, I appreciate you sharing your well executed thoughts through writing. See you tomorrow! ~Teacher Jane <",


The advantage of making all drugs legal is that it can be helpful for countries' finances. 
>> CORRECT =) 

The demand for finding dugs is getting higher, recently. 
>> CORRECT =) 

Many business owners are down because of the economic crisis, so they are finding drugs that make them feel higher. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR >> Many business owners feel down because of the economic crisis so they are looking for drugs that cause a high. 

The demand is high all over the world besides South Korea. 
>> CORRECT =) 

That's why there are many drug traffickers who export their drugs to other countries. 
>> CORRECT =) 

If we allow them to export drugs legally, it will help with our country's finance. 
>> CORRECT =) 

On the other hand, the disadvantage of it is that drugs might improve the percentage of sexual crimes. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR >> On the other hand, the disadvantage of it is that drugs might cause an increase in sexual crimes. 

In Korea, drugs are used to lure women to feel higher in many clubs. 
>> CORRECT =)

The women who take drugs a lot might black out, then the possibility they will be the subject of sexual crimes is improving. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR >> The women who take a high dosage of drugs might black out and then the possibility they will be the subject of sexual crimes is enhanced. 

Actually, we should protect human dignity rather than the country's finance. 
>> CORRECT =) 

Therefore, drugs should be forbidden forever. 
>> CORRECT =) 

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