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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

In your opinion, what other customs or practices that aren’t practiced or observed today that should

작성자: 문*현
2022-07-20 200

회원님의 영작문

I believe there must be a reason that customs and practices are not observed. Koreans are always taught to be polite to the elderly. Therefore, the young generation cannot raise their ideas quickly in front of managers, which delays the firm's and the employees' development. It was practice for women to raise their children rather than pursue professional careers. Consequently, Korea has the worst gender diversity. Quick eating was one of the virtues in Korean society to be time efficient. Such habits led many to suffer from stomach and colorectal cancer. Finally, Korea has a unique tradition of memorial services held annually, which males should observe. The original intention was to commemorate ancestors and pray for the family's well-being. However, it led the family to prefer the son. There must have been a positive impact on these customers. However, the side effects outweigh the merits. Accordingly, I believe there are no practices that we should bring back to light.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank again for this Aciel. Keep them coming! 

I believe there must be a reason that customs and practices are not observed. 
>>> correct   
Koreans are always taught to be polite to the elderly. 
>>>  correct      
Therefore, the young generation cannot raise their ideas quickly in front of managers, which delays the firm's and the employees' development. 
>>>  correct 
>>> OR: Therefore, the young generation cannot raise their ideas quickly in front of managers, which hinders the development of the firm and employees.      
It was practice for women to raise their children rather than pursue professional careers. 
>>>  It was a practice for women to raise their children rather than pursue professional careers.  
Consequently, Korea has the worst gender diversity. 
>>> correct    
Quick eating was one of the virtues in Korean society to be time efficient. 
>>> correct    
Such habits led many to suffer from stomach and colorectal cancer. 
>>> correct    
Finally, Korea has a unique tradition of memorial services held annually, which males should observe. 
>>> correct     
The original intention was to commemorate ancestors and pray for the family's well-being. 
>>>    correct 
However, it led the family to prefer the son. 
>>>  However, it led to the family preferring a son.   
There must have been a positive impact on these customers. 
>>>   There must have been a positive impact on these customs.  
However, the side effects outweigh the merits. 
>>>    correct   
Accordingly, I believe there are no practices that we should bring back to light.
>>>     correct  

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