무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Why do people become criminals? What are the causes of crime? Are some people born bad or do they be

작성자: 권*원
2022-07-20 298

회원님의 영작문

I always think that environment has an impact on people's growth.
The people being loved by their parents a lot have a low possibility to commit a crime.
On the other hand, the people who are kicked out of their parents have a high possibility to commit a crime. It was proved by many kinds of research.
Especially, if the people are juveniles yet, the possibility to commit a crime will increase because they can't get a job.
Of course, they can do a part-time job, but they will get low salaries.
For these reasons, juveniles start to commit a crime.
They can't get education properly, so they might not enter a university.
These people can become criminals even if they become adults because they can't do anything except crimes.
Nobody was bad when they were born. Their personality is the result of their environments.
That's why I claimed that the death penalty system should be executed because we should use our taxes for poor juveniles, not for criminals.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Well done, Jiwon. I only had a few suggestions and minor mistakes but other than those, it was very well thought out and given a lot of effort. Keep it coming! I'm already looking forward to the next one. ~Teacher Jane c", 


I always think that environment has an impact on people's growth. 
>> CORRECT =) 

The people being loved by their parents a lot have a low possibility to commit a crime. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR>> The people who received a lot of love from their parents have a low possibility to commit a crime. 

On the other hand, the people who are kicked out of their parents have a high possibility to commit a crime. 
>> On the other hand, the people who are kicked out of their parents' homes have a high possibility to commit a crime. 

It was proved by many kinds of research. 
>> CORRECT =) 

Especially, if the people are juveniles yet, the possibility to commit a crime will increase because they can't get a job. 
OR>> Especially, if the people are juveniles yet, the possibility to commit a crime will increase because they can't get a job. 

Of course, they can do a part-time job, but they will get low salaries. 
>> CORRECT =) 

For these reasons, juveniles start to commit a crime. 
>> CORRECT =) 

They can't get education properly, so they might not enter a university. 
>> They can not get a proper education so they might not enter university. 

These people can become criminals even if they become adults because they can't do anything except crimes. 
>> These people can become criminals even if they become adults because they can't do anything except commit crimes. 

Nobody was bad when they were born. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR >> Nobody was born bad. 

Their personality is the result of their environments. 
>> CORRECT =) 

That's why I claimed that the death penalty system should be executed because we should use our taxes for poor juveniles, not for criminals.
>> CORRECT =) 

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
123626 Do you believe human activities contribute to climate change? 김*경 완료 2022-11-16 1312
123625 homework 박*민 완료 2022-11-16 2
123624 homework 김*연 완료 2022-11-16 1701
123623 Is reading in a second language a good way to practice that... 양*은 완료 2022-11-16 2129
123622 What social media do you use these days? Why do you prefer... 이*태 완료 2022-11-16 1861
123621 The most memorable 민*정 완료 2022-11-16 0
123620 What is a typical meal like from your country? 김*연 완료 2022-11-16 0
123619 homework 정*호 완료 2022-11-16 1
123618 homework 박*은 완료 2022-11-16 0
123617 What is the best way for police to keep neighborhoods safe? 류*주 완료 2022-11-16 2220
123616 Wednesday Homework 류*우 완료 2022-11-16 1911
123615 meet 김*라 완료 2022-11-16 1
123614 Do you agree that the police should be held accountable for what... 선* 완료 2022-11-16 1798
123613 Homework 함*주 완료 2022-11-16 1
123612 Some religions forbid blood transfusions. 김*문 완료 2022-11-16 2009
123611 senior 권*희 완료 2022-11-16 1836
123610 Will there always be poverty in the world? 이*태 완료 2022-11-16 1483
123609 I agree that alternative medicine obtained through tradition is... 김*준 완료 2022-11-16 2157
123608 I like to play sports rather than watch them 김*준 완료 2022-11-16 1982
123607 15.Nov 2022 김*정 완료 2022-11-16 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]