무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Why do people become criminals? What are the causes of crime? Are some people born bad or do they be

작성자: 권*원
2022-07-20 366

회원님의 영작문

I always think that environment has an impact on people's growth.
The people being loved by their parents a lot have a low possibility to commit a crime.
On the other hand, the people who are kicked out of their parents have a high possibility to commit a crime. It was proved by many kinds of research.
Especially, if the people are juveniles yet, the possibility to commit a crime will increase because they can't get a job.
Of course, they can do a part-time job, but they will get low salaries.
For these reasons, juveniles start to commit a crime.
They can't get education properly, so they might not enter a university.
These people can become criminals even if they become adults because they can't do anything except crimes.
Nobody was bad when they were born. Their personality is the result of their environments.
That's why I claimed that the death penalty system should be executed because we should use our taxes for poor juveniles, not for criminals.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Well done, Jiwon. I only had a few suggestions and minor mistakes but other than those, it was very well thought out and given a lot of effort. Keep it coming! I'm already looking forward to the next one. ~Teacher Jane c", 


I always think that environment has an impact on people's growth. 
>> CORRECT =) 

The people being loved by their parents a lot have a low possibility to commit a crime. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR>> The people who received a lot of love from their parents have a low possibility to commit a crime. 

On the other hand, the people who are kicked out of their parents have a high possibility to commit a crime. 
>> On the other hand, the people who are kicked out of their parents' homes have a high possibility to commit a crime. 

It was proved by many kinds of research. 
>> CORRECT =) 

Especially, if the people are juveniles yet, the possibility to commit a crime will increase because they can't get a job. 
OR>> Especially, if the people are juveniles yet, the possibility to commit a crime will increase because they can't get a job. 

Of course, they can do a part-time job, but they will get low salaries. 
>> CORRECT =) 

For these reasons, juveniles start to commit a crime. 
>> CORRECT =) 

They can't get education properly, so they might not enter a university. 
>> They can not get a proper education so they might not enter university. 

These people can become criminals even if they become adults because they can't do anything except crimes. 
>> These people can become criminals even if they become adults because they can't do anything except commit crimes. 

Nobody was bad when they were born. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR >> Nobody was born bad. 

Their personality is the result of their environments. 
>> CORRECT =) 

That's why I claimed that the death penalty system should be executed because we should use our taxes for poor juveniles, not for criminals.
>> CORRECT =) 

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
125104 Would you rather shop online or go to the physical store? 김*민 완료 2023-01-26 3
125103 Our personality is change living conditions. 김*수 완료 2023-01-26 682
125102 homework 박*경 완료 2023-01-26 1580
125101 Homework 김*우 완료 2023-01-26 1604
125100 I think the most overrated holiday is… 김*윤 완료 2023-01-26 628
125099 What do you think is the best movie from your country? Why? 김*경 완료 2023-01-26 855
125098 Do you think there should be a world holiday for everyone on... 태*서 완료 2023-01-26 629
125097 Homework from the Feedback (3) 박*하 완료 2023-01-26 626
125096 What is the best way to deal with feelings of anger? 태*서 완료 2023-01-26 623
125095 What do you worry about getting older? 김*경 완료 2023-01-26 617
125094 What do you think when you look at yourself in the mirror? 신*섭 완료 2023-01-26 574
125093 What is your favorite Seollal Holiday memory? 김*경 완료 2023-01-26 596
125092 Homework 박*민 완료 2023-01-26 2
125091 I want to spend the old stage with family 김*우 완료 2023-01-26 1
125090 Do you think that teachers should use corporal punishment as a... 김*경 완료 2023-01-26 3886
125089 homework 이*우 완료 2023-01-26 1957
125088 Homework 장*희 완료 2023-01-26 2
125087 homework 신*휘 완료 2023-01-26 806
125086 It`s quiet 김*라 완료 2023-01-26 1
125085 Homework 함*주 완료 2023-01-26 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]