¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is religion important?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¿µ
2022-07-20 343

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think everyone thinks different that religion is important. Because there are many people who go to meeting because they believe religion but there are many people who do not believe religion. So I think there is people who think religion is important and people who think it is not important will be divided.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Chloe! :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think everyone thinks different that religion is important.
>> I think everyone thinks differently regarding whether religion is important or not. 

Because there are many people who go to meeting because they believe religion but there are many people who do not believe religion. 
>> It is because there are many people who believe in it and there are some that don't. 

So I think there is people who think religion is important and people who think it is not important will be divided.
>> So I think there are some people who think that religion is important and some of them don't. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121754 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 799
121753 Do you agree that the K-ETA system should also be applied in... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-21 679
121752 How do you think the people who were affected by this recent... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-21 1287
121751 Since you have been married for a long time, what advice can you... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-08-21 1
121750 What annoys you about the Internet? It makes me annoyed to... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-21 1
121749 Where do you see yourself in 10 years? What are your long-term... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-08-21 673
121748 MY problem ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-21 1
121747 If you could change anything about your present home, what would... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-20 1191
121746 Does smoking give you a better image or make you look more... ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-20 1
121745 What do you think are the reasons why so many people care so... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-20 2
121744 Foods Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-20 2
121743 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? ¹Ú*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-20 747
121742 super power Á¶*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-08-20 1105
121741 How would you describe a healthy diet? ¹Ú*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-20 1487
121740 What do you do to keep fit? ¹Ú*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-20 778
121739 About the reasons for violence before television and video games. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 698
121738 8/19 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 839
121737 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 2134
121736 What movies do you like watching and what movies do you dislike... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 940
121735 homework ◡̈ ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04