¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that religion is important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-07-19 638

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, religion is important.
Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, religion is important.
>> CORRECT

Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
>> Whether there is a God or not, if we have a religion, we can get a lot of benefits if we believe in a God. 

If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
>> CORRECT

And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
>> And we can feel relaxed by praying to a God or even thinking about the religion itself. 

Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124911 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 0
124910 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 0
124909 Monday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1586
124908 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1
124907 My Favorite Music ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1263
124906 According to the article, many working parents, especially... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 883
124905 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 0
124904 Write something interesting about your day. ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 997
124903 Asking ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1
124902 license ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 938
124901 My favorite childhood memories that I remember ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 917
124900 What is your opinion about a four-day week? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 759
124899 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1
124898 1/16 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 8
124897 How often do you go to the supermarket? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1
124896 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1
124895 What was one good political campaign that resulted in positive... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1
124894 1/13 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 663
124893 Asking for a replacement. ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 728
124892 What are the advantages and disadvantages of traveling alone? ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 786

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04