¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that religion is important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-07-19 358

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, religion is important.
Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, religion is important.
>> CORRECT

Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
>> Whether there is a God or not, if we have a religion, we can get a lot of benefits if we believe in a God. 

If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
>> CORRECT

And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
>> And we can feel relaxed by praying to a God or even thinking about the religion itself. 

Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121789 8/22 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 825
121788 homework À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 750
121787 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 1145
121786 The most important technology ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 0
121785 Did you ever have some problem with any teacher in your life? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 0
121784 Are you good at multitasking? Answer in a few sentences. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 0
121783 Are parents responsible for why this crime is happening in... ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 3
121782 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 572
121781 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 4
121780 Is getting angry an effective way of dealing with problems? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 769
121779 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 503
121778 08.22.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 2
121777 homework ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 2
121776 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 776
121775 What movies do you like watching and what movies do you dislike... ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 1356
121774 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 1
121773 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 491
121772 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 919
121771 homework ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 1
121770 If you were invited to a fancy dinner with the president or a... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-22 981

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04