¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

This is my academy writing homework. Could you please check only Grammer & Spelling? ^_^

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*À²
2022-07-15 593

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

This is my academy writing homework. Could you please check only Grammer & Spelling?



I believe it is more important to try to be yourself. If you are popular, you might be in the embrace of a crowd's worshipness instantly. It might make you stuggle. Sure, there would be some who encouages you but most of the comments will be rude ooohs and aaahs, You'll waste precious time putting on makeup. Patience is also a problem too. 'Cause when you can dance any dance you want, you will be practicing the crowd's favorite dance! It will feel like being the slave of the crowd. As the result, you'll "dance-fall-get hurt- wait for the injury to heal-dance-fall-get hurt-wait for the injury to heal-dance....". Just think about it! Waiting every time. And in my opinion, applausing hurts my ears. Alas, last but not least, you cannot concentrate because of the thought of how to make fans happy (even when you dont want to). So I agree that being yourself is more better that being popular.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Heather! I understand. I will check your grammar and spelling. Keep up the good work! ~ T. Lyn 
I believe it is more important to try to be yourself. 
>>Correct.
If you are popular, you might be in the embrace of a crowd's worshipness instantly.
>>If you are popular, people would embrace and admire you instantly.
It might make you stuggle. 
>>This can cause you to struggle.
Sure, there would be some who encouages you but most of the comments will be rude ooohs and aaahs, 
>>Sure, there would be some who encourage you but most of the comments will be rude such as "ooohs" and "aaahs." 
You'll waste precious time putting on makeup.
>>Correct.
Patience is also a problem too.
>>Patience is a problem, too.
'Cause when you can dance any dance you want, you will be practicing the crowd's favorite dance!
>>If you can dance to any songs, you will be forced to keep on dancing to please the crowd.
It will feel like being the slave of the crowd.
>>You would feel like the slave of the crowd.
As the result, you'll "dance-fall-get hurt- wait for the injury to heal-dance-fall-get hurt-wait for the injury to heal-dance....".
>>As a result, you will "dance-fall-get hurt, then wait for the injury to heal and experience the same process again.
Just think about it! Waiting every time. And in my opinion, applausing hurts my ears.
>>Just think about it! You need to wait every time. And in my opinion, people's applause hurts my ears.
Alas, last but not least, you cannot concentrate because of the thought of how to make fans happy (even when you dont want to). 
>Last but not least, even if you can not concentrate because you are distracted by about thinking how to make your fans happy (even when you don't want to).
So I agree that being yourself is more better that being popular.
>>So, I agree that being yourself is much better than being popular.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117982 What I did when I go to supermarket last weekend. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 311
117981 Why I think homework is important ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 340
117980 Writing Task (Apr 4th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 579
117979 4/4 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 272
117978 Tattoo ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 416
117977 Do you always make specific plans on weekends? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 318
117976 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 1
117975 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 2
117974 Do you think it would be harder to live with a physical... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 505
117973 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 2
117972 What other ways can you think of to stand the heat? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 373
117971 Do you think people feel different when they wear different... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 347
117970 Mentally distressed ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 4
117969 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 411
117968 What do you think is the most serious problem in the world? Why... ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 406
117967 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 156
117966 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 0
117965 HOMEWORK: ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 149
117964 Are you afraid of getting old? Why or why not? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 132
117963 Are you afraid of getting old? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04