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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2022-07-13 770

회원님의 영작문

Good afternoon, Donna!
It's raining cats and dogs.
I told you that my colleague and I are going to somewhere for meeting someone this evening.
Thus, I am worried about going there by a car.
Maybe we can take a taxi instead of my car.
Anyway, there are not much patients because of this bad weather.
So, I enjoy my free time now.
Today's homework is about the skin aging.
In short, the baby's skin is the best.
However, as we are getting older, many changes can be revealed.
Because skin function of water retaining is reducing, most of aged skins are dry.
And there are wrinkles, sagging, spots such as melasma, lentigo, etc. in old people's skin.
For improving their skin condition, we have lot of treatment modalities in the clinic.
First, Injection or application of some skin boosters, filler, botox.
There are plenty of skin boosters composed of HA, PLLA, PN, and so on.
Second, we can use some devices such as laser, US, RF, iontoporesis, etc.
Third, there are surgeries about sagging.
Thanks!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good evening, Dr. Kim!

By now, you should have been having a good time with your co-doctors. Did you take taxi after all? I hope that all of you will have a blast! When it's a bad weather, good company of friends is so comforting...

In terms of your homework, I agree that a baby's skin is the finest. I've learned a lot from your discussion of how the skin loses its moisture as time goes by. Even the skin has a maximum capacity to hold water after all. You are truly an expert in your field, no doubt. 

Now for your exposition and on the grammatical and meaning of your answer. I must say that your sentences are accurate and very clear. Just take note of the use 'and' which needs to be at the middle of a sentences rather than the beginning; the use of 'to' needs a specific place after such as 'to school; to work; to sing' thus, we need to drop it on your third sentence.

Carry on with the excellent writing.

See you tomorrow on a different time, enjoy your gathering with your friends!

-T. Donna~

Good afternoon, Donna!
>> Correct!

It's raining cats and dogs.
>> Correct!

I told you that my colleague and I are going to somewhere for meeting someone this evening.
>> I told you that my colleague and I are going somewhere to meet someone this evening.

Thus, I am worried about going there by a car.
>> Correct!

Maybe we can take a taxi instead of my car.
>> Correct!

Anyway, there are not much patients because of this bad weather.
>> Correct!

So, I enjoy my free time now.
>> Correct!

Today's homework is about the skin aging.
>> Correct!

In short, the baby's skin is the best.
>> Correct!

However, as we are getting older, many changes can be revealed.
>> Correct!

Because skin function of water retaining is reducing, most of aged skins are dry.
>> Because the skin's function of retaining water is reduced, most of aged skins are dry.

And there are wrinkles, sagging, spots such as melasma, lentigo, etc. in old people's skin.
>> And, there are wrinkles, sagging spots such as melasma, lentigo, etc. in old people's skin.

For improving their skin condition, we have lot of treatment modalities in the clinic.
>> Correct!
Or: To improve their skin condition, we have lot of treatment modalities in the clinic.

First, Injection or application of some skin boosters, filler, botox.
>> First, there is the injection or application of some skin boosters, filler, or botox.

There are plenty of skin boosters composed of HA, PLLA, PN, and so on.
>> Correct!
 
Second, we can use some devices such as laser, US, RF, iontoporesis, etc.
>> Correct!

Third, there are surgeries about sagging.
>> Correct!

Thanks!
>> Correct!
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