¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

SUMMER

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*¿ø
2022-07-12 1203

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

We really need air conditioner to survive during the summer. Because It's not only hot also soggy in Korea. We can't survive to just get a fan. Usually, we think that it's better to turn on the AC strongly even though It's freezing than endure high temperature. Because, we just have to put on some outer. So, we almost have the AC and fan at every single home and company.
And, we go to Water park, Beach, or Vallry. I went to the cafe last weekend, and turned out It's near the valley. So, I could see around sightseeing and the people playing and swimming in the valley. Honestly, I just work and go back home and do same things everyday, so, I can't feel the summer vibe. But, I felt the summer vibe at this day. after that, I wanted to go out somewhere and I'm going to make a plan to summer holiday. I can't wait to enjoy my holiday!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening Hui Won. Here's my correction to your essay. Thank you for your thoughts about the issue. ^_^
T. Irene
We really need air conditioner to survive during the summer. Because It's not only hot also soggy in Korea. 
>>> We really need air conditioners to survive the summer heat in Korea. It's also humid. 
We can't survive to just get a fan. 
>>> We can't survive by just using a fan. 
Usually, we think that it's better to turn on the AC strongly even though It's freezing than endure high temperature. Because, we just have to put on some outer. 
>>> Usually, we think that it's better to turn on the AC at a freezing temperature than endure a high temperature because we just have to put on warm clothes. 
So, we almost have the AC and fan at every single home and company.
>>> So, most homes and company buildings have both AC and fans. 
And, we go to Water park, Beach, or Vallry. 
>>> We also go to water parks, beaches and valleys. 
I went to the cafe last weekend, and turned out It's near the valley. 
>>> I went to a cafe last weekend and turned out to be near the valley. 
So, I could see around sightseeing and the people playing and swimming in the valley. 
>>> So I see people sigthseeing and swimming in the valley. 
Honestly, I just work and go back home and do same things everyday, so, I can't feel the summer vibe. 
>>> Honestly, I just work and go back home, doing the same things every day, so, I can't feel the summer vibe. 
But, I felt the summer vibe at this day. after that, I wanted to go out somewhere and I'm going to make a plan to summer holiday. 
>>> But, I felt the summer vibe today. I wanted to go out somewhere and I'm going to make a plan for the summer holiday. 
I can't wait to enjoy my holiday!
>>> Correct. 



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120645 7.11. Monday ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 589
120644 What illness are you afraid of the most and why? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 469
120643 Do you think robots or AI will replace human teachers in the... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 346
120642 7/11 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 519
120641 Do you think the health care system in your country offers... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 554
120640 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 470
120639 How does one make good choices? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 4
120638 The appearance and character of the person I want to date. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 410
120637 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 472
120636 If you could choose another country to live in, where would it... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 578
120635 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 426
120634 Which do you think is more important, physical health or mental... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 1
120633 Who do you admire? Do you try to be like this person (or people)? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 1
120632 What is your favorite foreign food? How is it different from... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 313
120631 What do you usually do after exercising? ÇÑ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 1
120630 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 653
120629 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 2
120628 Homework for 08.07.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 2
120627 Of all the places you¡¯ve visited, whether it be in Korea or... ä*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 592
120626 What are the uses of your important gadget? ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-11 323

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04