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stress

작성자: 노*원
2022-07-11 1219

회원님의 영작문

In our parent’s generation, they don’t have enough of money, so, they used to do for a work to make money as much as they can earn. But nowadays, we don’t have things related to psychological that much. The world has already made it everything and changes too fast. Some industry operates well without human. As many things replace instead of human, we are getting hard to get our room. And we have lost achievement. As a result, we got so many stressful things.
Anyway, I can’t explain many reasons that give us stess because I’m not good at speaking logically, but, to overcome the problems caused by stress, we have a free time that makes you smile. It could be the sports,art,or going out with someone. Also, if you got illness related to psychology, you would better go see a psychologic doctor without hesitation.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good evening Hui Won. It was nice talking to you in the class. You are doing well in our practices. Keep it up! ^_^
T. Irene
In our parent’s generation, they don’t have enough of money, 
>>>  During our parent’s generation, they don’t have enough money.
so, they used to do for a work to make money as much as they can earn. 
>>> So they worked hard to earn as much money as they can. 
But nowadays, we don’t have things related to psychological that much. 
>>> But nowadays, we don’t have the same concept of earning money. 
The world has already made it everything and changes too fast. 
>>> The world already improved a lot and changes happened so fast. 
Some industry operates well without human. 
>>> Some industries can operate well without humans.  
As many things replace instead of human, we are getting hard to get our room. 
>>> Many jobs were replaced by robots or machines and it's getting hard for humans to have a room in there. 
And we have lost achievement. 
>>> Most of us lost our success. 
As a result, we got so many stressful things.
>>> As a result, we feel so stressed out. 
Anyway, I can’t explain many reasons that give us stess because I’m not good at speaking logically, but, to overcome the problems caused by stress, we have a free time that makes you smile. 
>>> Anyway, I can't explain all the reasons for our stress because I don't think logically. However, to manage stress, we need to make some time to smile. 
It could be the sports,art,or going out with someone. 
>>> It could be doing some activities like sports, arts or being with friends. 
Also, if you got illness related to psychology, you would better go see a psychologic doctor without hesitation.
>>> Also, if you feel some mental problems, you'd better visit a psychologist immediately.

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수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

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주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
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02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
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04

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