¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

my room

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼­*ȯ
2022-07-07 386

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

well.. honestly im organized person so i always keep my room clean, i mean cozy. you know clean room makes me feel comfortable so im hustle when i clean up my room. And also my room is haven to me too. because Inside of my room, I have a bed, a wide desk, a comfortable chair, and an air conditioner. there are many equipments in my room, but my favorite equipment is air conditioner. you know our country i mean korea is really really hot this year. so i always keep my room cool with my air conditioner. when i turn on it. air conditioner makes my room like sanctuary

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Robin!
Great!  There are some improvements in your sentences but still, take note of your mistakes and memorize the correct patterns. :)


~T. Maine


well.. honestly im organized person so i always keep my room clean, i mean cozy. 
>>Well, honestly speaking, I am an organized person so I always keep my room neat and cozy. 

you know clean room makes me feel comfortable so im hustle when i clean up my room. 
>>You know a clean room makes me feel more comfortable.  So I hustle when I clean up my room. 

And also my room is haven to me too. because Inside of my room, I have a bed, a wide desk, a comfortable chair, and an air conditioner. 
>> In addition, my room is my haven because it has a bed, a wide desk, a comfortable chair, and a well-functioning air conditioner. 

there are many equipments in my room, but my favorite equipment is air conditioner. 
>>There are many types of equipment in my room but my favorite is the air conditioner. 

you know our country i mean korea is really really hot this year. 
>>You know, our country is really hot in summer. 

so i always keep my room cool with my air conditioner. 
>>So I always keep my room cool with the air conditioner. 

when i turn on it. air conditioner makes my room like sanctuary
>>When I turn it on, it makes my room like a sanctuary. ^^


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120130 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 407
120129 What activity don\'t you do any more for leisure that you want... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 572
120128 How do you see yourself 10 years from now? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 412
120127 If exercise makes you live a lot longer, why do so many people... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 259
120126 The best country in the world ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 468
120125 How does the weather affect your mood? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 354
120124 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 419
120123 About the excersise. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 605
120122 What do you think is the best country in the world and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 624
120121 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 478
120120 Have you ever been caught in bad weather? If so, what did you do? À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 404
120119 Do you love spicy food? Why do some people love eating spicy... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 472
120118 my home2 ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 358
120117 What do you think children worry about most these days? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 0
120116 The second homework ÀÌ*¸í ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 1
120115 mistake ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 1
120114 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 2
120113 my home ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 345
120112 6.23. ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 262
120111 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-23 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04