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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Who influenced you the most in life? Explain your answer.

작성자: 김*경
2022-07-04 366

회원님의 영작문

Many people around me must have influenced me in any way. However, if I have to select one who influenced me the most., it must be my God. Whether you are religious or not, it is true of me and you. I realized who God is or what God means to me when I was a middle-high school student. He who knows everything about me has been with me all the time. Also, I feel very comfortable with Him even though He is described as a powerful king or judge as well.

He challenged me whenever I had no option but to keep my head above water. When I tried to hold His hand in faith, He never failed to show His mercy on me and led me into a green pasture.

As a result, my perspective started to change because I came to know that the Great God has been working for me behind the scenes, and He has been behind me. So sometimes I expect some blessings in disguise in my life. These benefits are not just for me but all people who count on Him in faith.

In short, God influenced me the most in my life.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve!  

Yes, we need to learn how to be contented with what we have and make the most out of it. We are unique in our own ways. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soo

I still have many things to improve even in my forties such as my quick temper. 
>> I still have many things to improve, even if I am already in my 40's, such as being short tempered. 

But If the question above is about my appearance, it sounds off the point, but it reminds me of my youth who was so much into my looks. 
>> But If the question above is about my appearance, the first thing on my mind is my youth, wherein I care a lot about my looks. 

In my youth, I had many things that I wanted to change about myself. 
>> When I was young, I had many things that I wanted to change about myself. 

And I thought I could be someone new through some changes about my appearance. 
>> I thought I could be someone new through those changes. 

So I asked my parents to help me change my appearance, and sometimes I used to hold a grudge against my parents who didn’t help me actively. (now my parents and I really hit if off) 
>> So I asked my parents to help me change my appearance, and sometimes I used to hold grudges against them since they didn't help me actively. Gladly, me and my parents and I really hit if off now. 

However, as I am getting old and wise enough to distinguish what’s precious in life from useless things, the things is to satisfy what I have or be content with what I am given by God who knows everything. 
>> However, as I am getting old and wise enough to distinguish what’s precious in life from useless things, I realized that we should be contented with what God has given us. 

I started to find out about God's will to make me like this instead of searching ways to change my appearance.
>> I started to find out about God's will to make me love myself instead of searching ways to change my appearance.

 Now I try to love myself including my appearance as much as possible
>>  Now I try to love myself, including my appearance, as much as possible
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