¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*¿ø
2022-06-30 863

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.

The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi Se Won,
Thank you for answering your homework. You have good ideas but I suggest making your answer longer by elaborating and sharing more of your experiences when speaking and writing You can elaborate yourself and you can find words to use for your correct grammatical structures.  You can improve your writing by understanding model texts and how they're structured. I would recommend you keep a daily essay to practice your writing skills. Keep improving. ~ Teacher QUENNY..

¡¤ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.
>> Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy it / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.(CORRECT)
The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.
>> Like everybody else, I like to stay healthy while also enjoying life at the same time. Playing sports like Soccer is what I enjoy and one of my favorite hobbies. I play Socer with my friends in Royale Park and I'll have healthy corps when I play sport. And playing Soccer improves my health because it lowers my body fat and improves my muscle tone. It also builds my strength and endurance that's why I enjoy playing Soccer with my friends to enjoy life and stay healthy. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.

The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119459 Do you think vaccines are important and effective? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 154
119458 Writing Task(May 27th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 113
119457 My whishes. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 126
119456 Writing Task(May 30th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 132
119455 Today more countries import food from different parts of the... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 0
119454 5/30 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 146
119453 The poverty life. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 142
119452 What my favorite subject is. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 256
119451 What is a bad hobby and how should we avoid it? ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 192
119450 Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 0
119449 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 0
119448 Do you like business trips? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 2
119447 My wish this summer ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 122
119446 How can loneliness be bad for people¡¯s health? How can lonely... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 92
119445 Right? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 143
119444 What kind of diet have you tried? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 2
119443 Do you think vaccines are important and effective? Why or why... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 0
119442 What was the best suggestion you have ever received from someone? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 153
119441 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 177
119440 about buying things ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04