¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*¿ø
2022-06-30 846

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.

The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi Se Won,
Thank you for answering your homework. You have good ideas but I suggest making your answer longer by elaborating and sharing more of your experiences when speaking and writing You can elaborate yourself and you can find words to use for your correct grammatical structures.  You can improve your writing by understanding model texts and how they're structured. I would recommend you keep a daily essay to practice your writing skills. Keep improving. ~ Teacher QUENNY..

¡¤ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.
>> Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy it / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.(CORRECT)
The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.
>> Like everybody else, I like to stay healthy while also enjoying life at the same time. Playing sports like Soccer is what I enjoy and one of my favorite hobbies. I play Socer with my friends in Royale Park and I'll have healthy corps when I play sport. And playing Soccer improves my health because it lowers my body fat and improves my muscle tone. It also builds my strength and endurance that's why I enjoy playing Soccer with my friends to enjoy life and stay healthy. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.

The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119746 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 89
119745 6/9 HOMEWORK ( •̀ ¥ø •́ )y ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 321
119744 I\'d rather swim in a pool ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 437
119743 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 3
119742 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 2
119741 homework ¿ø*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 234
119740 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 274
119739 About festivals ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 12
119738 Right? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 1
119737 Do you think being a student is the best time of your life? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 299
119736 What do most of the people around you dream of as their career?... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 136
119735 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 105
119734 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 84
119733 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 103
119732 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 65
119731 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 2
119730 homework ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 116
119729 6.9 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 82
119728 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 3
119727 [Homework] Q. Please tell me about your favorite movie. ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-09 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04