¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*¿ø
2022-06-30 764

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.

The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi Se Won,
Thank you for answering your homework. You have good ideas but I suggest making your answer longer by elaborating and sharing more of your experiences when speaking and writing You can elaborate yourself and you can find words to use for your correct grammatical structures.  You can improve your writing by understanding model texts and how they're structured. I would recommend you keep a daily essay to practice your writing skills. Keep improving. ~ Teacher QUENNY..

¡¤ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.
>> Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy it / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.(CORRECT)
The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.
>> Like everybody else, I like to stay healthy while also enjoying life at the same time. Playing sports like Soccer is what I enjoy and one of my favorite hobbies. I play Socer with my friends in Royale Park and I'll have healthy corps when I play sport. And playing Soccer improves my health because it lowers my body fat and improves my muscle tone. It also builds my strength and endurance that's why I enjoy playing Soccer with my friends to enjoy life and stay healthy. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.

The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120230 What is the scariest story that you know? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 210
120229 What is a memorable food that you ate in a different country? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 3
120228 The discovery of fire. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 215
120227 IELTS part2 ÇÔ*¸® ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 2
120226 6/27 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 228
120225 What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small... ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 586
120224 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 0
120223 What was your dream job when you were young? ÇÑ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 386
120222 What¡¯s the best way to stop being bored? Answer in 5 sentences... ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 434
120221 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 261
120220 Some people do not like to talk about politics. How about you,... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 918
120219 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 560
120218 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 389
120217 About friends ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 3
120216 What do you think is the best age to be? Explain your opinion. ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 4
120215 How do you think the discovery of fire changed the life of... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 502
120214 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 1
120213 The reason why there are generally few women in top positions. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 450
120212 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 562
120211 Homework {06/27} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 105

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04