¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is one thing you never done but would like to do?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2022-06-28 372

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I have an old dream to travel around world with my family including my dad and mom at least over a month which is long enough for me to get away from everything and to focus on myself and my family. Just thinking of my beloved family on a nice cruise ship makes me happy.
The reason why I haven't even challenged this dream is that it takes me a lot of money and time to do it. As a salary worker, it is out of the question to take so many days off to travel around the world. And I can¡¯t afford financially to get on a luxurious ship with 7 people for such a long period. However, I would like to achieve that dream someday.
If I go on with that dream, I bet I can make that dream come true someday as a magic.
Another dream that I want to achieve is that I run my own business after early retirement. I want to make as much money as I do on the contrary to the salary workers who get paid a set amount of money monthly. This dream can be possible after retirement that I have never done it.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

This was a well-written essay, I enjoyed reading it. There are a few minor corrections and I hope you get to read it. I can relate to this Steve, it¡¯s difficult to spend time with our families especially when we¡¯re working, but I applaud your eagerness in wanting that for yourself. - Teacher Ivy

I have an old dream to travel around world with my family including my dad and mom at least over a month which is long enough for me to get away from everything and to focus on myself and my family.

>> I have an old dream to travel around the world with my family including my dad and mom for at least over a month which is long enough for me to get away from everything and to focus on myself and my family.

Just thinking of my beloved family on a nice cruise ship makes me happy.

>> Correct
The reason why I haven't even challenged this dream is that it takes me a lot of money and time to do it.

>> The reason why I haven't even challenged this dream is that it takes a lot of money and time to do it.

As a salary worker, it is out of the question to take so many days off to travel around the world.

>> Correct

And I can¡¯t afford financially to get on a luxurious ship with 7 people for such a long period.

>> Correct

However, I would like to achieve that dream someday.

>> Correct
If I go on with that dream, I bet I can make that dream come true someday as a magic.

>> If I go on with that dream, I bet I can make that dream come true someday as a magic.
Another dream that I want to achieve is that I run my own business after early retirement.

>> Another dream that I want to achieve is to I run my own business after an early retirement.

I want to make as much money as I do on the contrary to the salary workers who get paid a set amount of money monthly.

>> Correct

This dream can be possible after retirement that I have never done it.

>> Correct 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121446 Talk about the things you like about the city you live in. It... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 909
121445 What was the best realization you had in the last two months? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 1
121444 If your life was in danger, who would you call and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 376
121443 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 635
121442 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 807
121441 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 456
121440 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 362
121439 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 0
121438 homework ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 3
121437 Should you always do sports? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 1577
121436 Why is English fluency significant for you? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 2
121435 08.08.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 1
121434 If you could be another man or woman for a day, who would you... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 771
121433 VR/AR Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 4
121432 Do you worry about cybercrime? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 486
121431 Are you happy with a two-day weekend or should it be three days? ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 661
121430 8/8 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1193
121429 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 709
121428 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 738
121427 Please tell me something about your typical weekend. ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 682

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04