¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Who is always there to help you when you need it badly?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àü*ä
2022-06-24 405

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My order sister always help me. She 28 years old. So we are three years apart. She have many experience more than me. So when I was have some troubles, I asked her for what can I do.

When I was move in the Seoul at that time, I didn't adjust in new area. It's no hard to me and I need to help always.
And I think her need someone too.
In fact, We were help each other.

Last time, when I was going home late at night after part time work. I was scared about some people who drunk.
Once, someone followed me. So I called my sister to pick up me
And she came to me with pleasure.

In opposite situation I helped her also.
When I was not work in company.
It was rainy day, I was going her company to pick her up and bring her umbrella.

Beside that, we shared interested things. We bought something to need each other.

But now we aren't live together anymore. So sometimes I miss her.but we are always bother each other.
My sister is the most reliable and important family for me

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eun Chae!
Thank you for sharing about your sister.  I hope you read the corrections and take note of the correct ones. ^^

~T, Maine


My order sister always help me. 
>> My older sister always helps me. 
She 28 years old. 
>>She is 28 years old. 
So we are three years apart. 
>>Correct. 
She have many experience more than me. 
>>She has many experiences more than me. 
So when I was have some troubles, I asked her for what can I do.
>>So when I have some troubles, I ask her what to do. 
When I was move in the Seoul at that time, I didn't adjust in new area. 
>>When I moved to Seoul at that time, 
It's no hard to me and I need to help always.
>>It's not hard for me and I always need help. 
And I think her need someone too.
>>And I think she needs someone too. 
In fact, We were help each other.
>>In fact, we help each other. 
Last time, when I was going home late at night after part time work. 
I was scared about some people who drunk.
>>
>>Last time when I was going home late at night after work, I was scared of drunk people. 
Once, someone followed me. So I called my sister to pick up me
>> Once, someone followed me, so I called my sister to pick me up. 
And she came to me with pleasure.
>>Correct. 
In opposite situation I helped her also.
>>As a complement, I also helped her. 
When I was not work in company.
>>It was when I didn't work in the company. 
It was rainy day, I was going her company to pick her up and bring her umbrella.
>>It was a rainy day.  I was going to her company to pick her up and give her umbrella. 
Beside that, we shared interested things. 
>>Besides that, we shared interesting things with each other. 
We bought something to need each other.
>>We bought something we both need. 
But now we aren't live together anymore. 
>>But now, we aren't living together anymore. 
So sometimes I miss her.
>>So sometimes I miss her.   
but we are always bother each other.
>> But we always bother each other. 
My sister is the most reliable and important family for me
>> My sister is the most reliable and important family member for me. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121932 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-27 1493
121931 Video Games Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-27 2
121930 8/26 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 3216
121929 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 857
121928 HW : What was the best book you have ever read? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 968
121927 Whose opinion matters to you the most? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 864
121926 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 1276
121925 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 4
121924 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 0
121923 Do you think that knowing a foreign language might encourage you... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 825
121922 Caleb\'s homework for 26 Aug 2022. ±Ç*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 1248
121921 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 889
121920 What do you think of wellness institutions and their programs? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 952
121919 The kindest person I know. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 1432
121918 homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 4
121917 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 1234
121916 My dream ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 1
121915 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 2
121914 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 821
121913 Homework ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-26 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04