¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

6.23.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³²*½Â
2022-06-23 495

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I would say ¡°The United States of America.¡±, only focusing on its power and the influence on the rest of the world.
The country has all of the elements that make it the strongest in the world,
First, it has the land and the population enough to make their own living without hugely being dependent on other nations. Both the size of the land and the number of the population is the third biggest and most each in the world, following the countries like Russia and China. And the population means the labor power.
Second, The energy, especially the Shale oil that has made the States fully self-sufficient in terms of oil demand.
Third, the power of Dollar...etc.
There¡¯s still few other things I want to wright, like the military power or the individualism that has been handed down from their early ancestors who settled in the continent about 400 years ago. But I can¡¯t wright all of them since the letter bytes are only less than 1,000 here on the online board. ^^

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi U Seung!  

Your answer is very informative. I wish the letter byte limit was higher so you would've shared more. :) I hope to be your teacher again in the future by the way. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I would say ¡°The United States of America.¡±, only focusing on its power and the influence on the rest of the world.
>> I would say that it is the United  States of America, only focusing on its power and the influence to the rest of the world.

The country has all of the elements that make it the strongest in the world,
>>  CORRECT

First, it has the land and the population enough to make their own living without hugely being dependent on other nations. 
>> First, it has enough land and the population to make their own living without hugely being dependent on other nations. 

Both the size of the land and the number of the population is the third biggest and most each in the world, following the countries like Russia and China. And the population means the labor power.
>> Both these aspects make it the third biggest country in the world, following by Russia and China. This also means that they have a lot of labor power. 

Second, The energy, especially the Shale oil that has made the States fully self-sufficient in terms of oil demand.
>> Second, they have a lot of energy supply, such as shale oil. This has made this country self-sufficient in terms of oil-demands. 

Third, the power of Dollar...etc.
>> Third, the power of dollar. 

There¡¯s still few other things I want to wright, like the military power or the individualism that has been handed down from their early ancestors who settled in the continent about 400 years ago. 
>> There¡¯s a still few other things I want to write, like the military power or the individualism that has been handed down from their early ancestors who settled in the continent about 400 years ago. 

But I can¡¯t wright all of them since the letter bytes are only less than 1,000 here on the online board. ^^
>> But I can¡¯t write all of them since the letter bytes are only less than 1,000 here on the online board. ^^

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122764 Hello ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 3309
122763 free ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2058
122762 Is cancer a health problem concern for most people in your... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 0
122761 What is your opinion about the exposure of children on... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2999
122760 10.03.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2
122759 10/4 ¼Û*ö ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2090
122758 What winter sports do you know? Have you done any? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 3
122757 Smoke ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2330
122756 How do you see yourself 10 years from now? Kindly answer in not... ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2
122755 10/3 À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2596
122754 What do you regret doing and want to apologize for? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2
122753 How do you start your day? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 1861
122752 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2084
122751 How can make children have habit to eat healthy food? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 0
122750 Do you think smoking will ever disappear? Explain your answer. ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 1694
122749 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2109
122748 How do you convince someone of your idea? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 3
122747 Who is an international star that you would like to see in a... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 1924
122746 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 0
122745 How would the world be different if smoking was suddenly banned?... ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2555

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04