¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think getting old is a good thing or a bad thing? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*
2022-06-22 337

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

getting old is beautiful. it means we be wise, be respectful person when we gets older. some other people think the age is privilege. however, it is totally wrong. when we are getting older, we learnt things such as order, world, life, everything that surround us. thus we learn "respect" even whom children, baby. every people have different life, different thoughts. according to the experiences that we had, now we know the life is beautiful and respectful not only my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Lim!  

Yes, we gain more wisdom as we get older. :) 

PS: Make sure to capitalize the first letter of the first word in your sentence. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

getting old is beautiful. 
>> Getting old is beautiful. 

it means we be wise, be respectful person when we gets older. 
>> It means that we become wiser and respectable when we get older. 

some other people think the age is privilege. 
>> Some people think that age is a privilege. 

however, it is totally wrong. 
>> However, it is totally wrong. 

when we are getting older, we learnt things such as order, world, life, everything that surround us. 
>> When we are getting older, we learn more things about the world, life and things that surrounds us. 

thus we learn "respect" even whom children, baby. 
>> Thus, we should learn how to respect everyone, including the ones that are younger than us.

every people have different life, different thoughts. 
>> Every person has different lives and thoughts. 

according to the experiences that we had, now we know the life is beautiful and respectful not only my life.
>> According to the experiences that we had, we will know the beauty of life and be respectful towards other people's lives as well. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120396 live alone Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-04 2
120395 3.homework Á¶*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-04 556
120394 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-04 2
120393 Does your personality change when you¡¯re gaming? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-04 489
120392 What are the things that you would/would never do for a friend? ÀÌ*¸í ¿Ï·á 2022-07-04 2
120391 Q È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-04 2
120390 What do you spend most with your money? / Where is your favorite... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-04 1
120389 Why do rich people become richer and poor people become poorer? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-07-04 1
120388 What are the things you need when you go on a trip? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-07-03 609
120387 What do you like to watch on TV? ±è*°â ¿Ï·á 2022-07-03 549
120386 Did you feel more handsome when you wore make-up? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-03 3
120385 What is your favorite Korean tradition? Share your answer in a... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-03 795
120384 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-03 2
120383 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-03 1
120382 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-03 1
120381 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-03 656
120380 What is one mistake you\'ve done that you don\'t want to happen... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-07-02 556
120379 What presents when I give in parents day to parents. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-07-02 639
120378 What I put on my hand ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-07-02 395
120377 What can I do in amusement park. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-07-02 370

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04