¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think getting old is a good thing or a bad thing? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*
2022-06-22 448

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

getting old is beautiful. it means we be wise, be respectful person when we gets older. some other people think the age is privilege. however, it is totally wrong. when we are getting older, we learnt things such as order, world, life, everything that surround us. thus we learn "respect" even whom children, baby. every people have different life, different thoughts. according to the experiences that we had, now we know the life is beautiful and respectful not only my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Lim!  

Yes, we gain more wisdom as we get older. :) 

PS: Make sure to capitalize the first letter of the first word in your sentence. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

getting old is beautiful. 
>> Getting old is beautiful. 

it means we be wise, be respectful person when we gets older. 
>> It means that we become wiser and respectable when we get older. 

some other people think the age is privilege. 
>> Some people think that age is a privilege. 

however, it is totally wrong. 
>> However, it is totally wrong. 

when we are getting older, we learnt things such as order, world, life, everything that surround us. 
>> When we are getting older, we learn more things about the world, life and things that surrounds us. 

thus we learn "respect" even whom children, baby. 
>> Thus, we should learn how to respect everyone, including the ones that are younger than us.

every people have different life, different thoughts. 
>> Every person has different lives and thoughts. 

according to the experiences that we had, now we know the life is beautiful and respectful not only my life.
>> According to the experiences that we had, we will know the beauty of life and be respectful towards other people's lives as well. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122700 HW ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1887
122699 09.29.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 3
122698 What is the most exciting part of a concert? Answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 2481
122697 What do you think is the most popular sport in the world? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1949
122696 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 2218
122695 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 2
122694 What does ¡°beauty lies in the eye of the beholder¡± mean? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 2798
122693 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1
122692 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 2563
122691 How has your health changed when you were younger compared to... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1739
122690 Do you think colors affect your mood? How? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 2245
122689 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1819
122688 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1561
122687 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1
122686 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1817
122685 What benefits and drawbacks do you think working abroad has? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1728
122684 Distance ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 0
122683 Hi Gemma ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1786
122682 media ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 2678
122681 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-09-29 1750

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04