¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In your opinion, how long should kids play video games on weekends?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ºó
2022-06-18 305

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Video games should be moderately played.
Because if your eyes get bad and you get addicted, it becomes dangerous.
It is good for your health to spend time with your family on weekends.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Stella!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Video games should be moderately played.

>> CORRECT!
Because if your eyes get bad and you get addicted, it becomes dangerous.

>> Because if your eyes get damaged and you get addicted, it becomes dangerous.
It is good for your health to spend time with your family on weekends.

>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121545 8/11 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 913
121544 Ocean ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 768
121543 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 763
121542 What are the ways to prevent health problems? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 921
121541 What do you love doing with your relatives? ±è*°â ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 980
121540 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 758
121539 If you could be another man or woman for a day, who would you... ±è*°â ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 687
121538 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 2
121537 What if you could spend your life never sleeping? What would you... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 725
121536 Dairy Áö*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 718
121535 Is change always good? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 884
121534 check please ÇÏ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 4
121533 What is your opinion about your country¡¯s disaster... ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 4
121532 Which is better, shopping in shops or shopping online? ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 687
121531 Use at least 2 to 3 short paragraphs to describe your best and... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 840
121530 Do you work better alone or with a team? Answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 773
121529 What do you shop for and who do you shop with? ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 1099
121528 I think people can be best friends with the opposite sex. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 806
121527 On the Internet, you can say whatever you want. Is that true? Is... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 840
121526 What makes you a good friend? Is it easy for you to make friends? ÃÖ*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-11 904

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04