¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think would South Korea be like if it still has kings and queens? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-06-13 253

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the South Korea would be destroyed by ourselves.
In the past, South Korea was peaceful and still had kings and queens.
But over the time, a lot of people were being poor because of the two wars.
And when the South Korea was being poor and poor, we were colonized by Japan.
But if there were still kings and queens in here, South Korea might destroyed itself.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John!  

Good thing that everything worked out for the best there in South Korea. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think that the South Korea would be destroyed by ourselves.
>> I think that South Korea would've been destroyed by ourselves. 

In the past, South Korea was peaceful and still had kings and queens.
>> CORRECT

But over the time, a lot of people were being poor because of the two wars.
>> But over the time, a lot of people became poor because of the two wars.

And when the South Korea was being poor and poor, we were colonized by Japan.
>> And when it continued to happened as we were colonized by Japan. 

But if there were still kings and queens in here, South Korea might destroyed itself.
>> But if there were still kings and queens in here, South Korea would've been destroyed by it's own people. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120472 Do you think people make bad decisions because of peer pressure?... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 900
120471 Which is better, renting or buying? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 4
120470 Who influenced you the most in life? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 1174
120469 homework À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 611
120468 What are the advantages and disadvantages of working with a... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 535
120467 Who in your family or among your friends has the most... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 291
120466 What and who are your major influences for having your recent... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 576
120465 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 324
120464 How much time do you spend listening to music? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 294
120463 7/5 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 337
120462 Which artists/bands do you want to see at a music festival? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 343
120461 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 2
120460 What new hobbies would you like to try? ±è*°â ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 312
120459 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 2
120458 If a woman wants an abortion, what rights does the father have? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 791
120457 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 535
120456 Homework for 07.05.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 3
120455 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 2757
120454 Are older people actually wiser? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 639
120453 My favorite day ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 1208

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04