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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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How important is freedom for you?

작성자: 김*연
2022-06-07 237

회원님의 영작문

Freedom have very important meanings in my life. In the political meaning, it is the feature of a living like a human being. My ancestors undergone a severe pressure from the dictatorship. They fight against injustice. Many people were tortured and got killed in secret. So the freedom is necessary for human being. In the private meaning, it is the one's own life. If we have no time for oneself, we cannot solve various stresses. It means that we can be lived in the way of other's. So every people have to have freedom to spend their own time. Next, in the social life, it is the corresponding concept with responsibility. Many people want to have freedom but if they ignore the responsibility, it is very dangerous thing for the society.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Arissa,

Thank you for submitting your answer.
I totally agree with what you have mentioned about freedom. It is something we need politically, personally, and socially. I mostly agree when you mentioned that we need to be responsible when we seek freedom since it can be very dangerous if we ignore the responsibility that comes along with it. 
I have seen people on the news and heard about lives of people getting destroyed because of neglecting their accountabilities while enjoying excessive freedom.

~ Teacher Gina


Freedom have very important meanings in my life. In the political meaning, it is the feature of a living like a human being. My ancestors undergone a severe pressure from the dictatorship. They fight against injustice. Many people were tortured and got killed in secret. So the freedom is necessary for human being. In the private meaning, it is the one's own life. If we have no time for oneself, we cannot solve various stresses. It means that we can be lived in the way of other's. So every people have to have freedom to spend their own time. Next, in the social life, it is the corresponding concept with responsibility. Many people want to have freedom but if they ignore the responsibility, it is very dangerous thing for the society.

>> Freedom has a very important meaning in my life. In the political meaning, it is the feature of living like a human being. My ancestors underwent severe pressure from the dictatorship. They fought against injustice. Many people were tortured and got killed in secret. So freedom is necessary for a human being. In the private meaning, it is one's own life. If we have no time for ourselves, we cannot solve various stress. It means that we can live in the same way as others. So every people have to have the freedom to spend their own time. Next, in social life, it is the corresponding concept with responsibility. Many people want to have freedom, but it is a very dangerous thing for society if they ignore the responsibility.

>> Or: Freedom has a significant meaning in my life. In the political sense, it is the feature of living like a human being. My ancestors underwent severe pressure from tyranny. They fought against injustice. Many people were tortured and got killed in secret. So freedom is necessary for a human being. In the personal meaning, it is one's own life. If we have no time for ourselves, we cannot solve various stress. It means that we can live in the same way as others. So every people need to have the freedom to spend their own time. Next, in social life, it is the corresponding concept with responsibility. Many people want freedom, but it is hazardous for society if they ignore their accountability.
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