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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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Do you think men and women are equal? Share your answer in a few sentences.

작성자: 한*수
2022-06-03 150

회원님의 영작문

Men and Women's value is equal. but their charactor and system of thinking is different. And generally men's physical condition is better. especially women have a duration time of pregnant. obviously it is very import thing, but women in pregnant have to their fetus, so they can't care themselves. at the same time, men is different. they can ignore their women and fetus. they can enjoy their own life. I have a thought that's the reason men's social power is better than women.

Progress of pregnant is very important, but women's life is important, too. So, for happiness both of them, men have to cooperate.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Jisu!

I couldn't agree more with your overall viewpoints regarding men and women's role in outr society. Men are physically strong thus, they can care for women. In return, women should care for men and support them as they do their share of labor. Overtime, both of these genders built the world we live in today. Coexistence is a must.

Here on your homework answer, there are a few suggestions I made. First of all, as a gentle reminder, starting your sentence with a capital letter (A, B, C, D,...) marks the beginning of a new sentence. Moreover, for the rest of the other grammar suggestions, study all of your sentences below. Your strongest point here is your ideas- they were well founded and factual. Thus, well done for this homework!

Have a wonderful weekend!

-T. Donna =) 

Men and Women's value is equal. but their charactor and system of thinking is different. 
>> Men and Women's value is equal but their character and system of thinking are different. 

And generally men's physical condition is better. 
>> And generally, men's physical condition is better (stronger).

especially women have a duration time of pregnant. 
>> Especially, women have a duration time of pregnanancy.
Or: Women have a special duty for pregnancy.

obviously it is very import thing, but women in pregnant have to their fetus, so they can't care themselves. 
>> Obviously it is a very import thing, but pregnant women have their fetus, so they can't care themselves well. 
>> Obviously, it is a very import thing, but pregnant women have to take care of themselves. 

at the same time, men is different. 
>> At the same time, men are different. 

they can ignore their women and fetus. 
>> They can ignore their women and the fetus. 
>> They may not necessarily be involved in caring for women and their babies.

they can enjoy their own life. 
>> They can enjoy their own lives. 

I have a thought that's the reason men's social power is better than women.
>> I have a thought that these are the reason why men's social power is better than women.

Progress of pregnant is very important, but women's life is important, too. 
>> The progress of pregnancy is very important, but women's lives are important, too. 
Or: The progress of pregnancy is very important as well as women's lives. 

So, for happiness both of them, men have to cooperate.
>> So, for happiness, both of them, men and women have to cooperate.
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