¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I also passionately play table tennis every day for my health.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÁØ
2022-05-20 1113

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Let me introduce myself briefly. I want to express myself as a boy with many dreams. I'm always learning something and doing something constantly.

After becoming the CEO of Hen-in-Han, the learning seems to have become more intense. I have been studying business administration for two years to run a business well, and I am studying English and trade to export hand-in-hand toothbrushes myself. And I also passionately play table tennis every day for my health.

Our company has been producing toothbrushes and dental floss for over 20 years, and in recent years, we have printed, packaged and delivered promotional materials and souvenirs for campaigns. In our company, disabled and non-disabled people work together. We all want to be happy and we are working hard together.

I hope to live the day that is given to me today hard and happily.
I thank God for giving me this day~~ I hope that I will live according to the word that tells the world to live like light and salt.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon, Elliot! 

Thank you for answering the Homework question. Please take note of the corrections/ suggestions below: 

Writing Task:  Kindly introduce yourself. You can talk about your family and work. Please talk about your hobbies and interests as well. :-)

Your Answer: 

Let me introduce myself briefly. I want to express myself as a boy with many dreams. I'm always learning something and doing something constantly.

After becoming the CEO of Hen-in-Han, the learning seems to have become more intense. I have been studying business administration for two years to run a business well, and I am studying English and trade to export hand-in-hand toothbrushes myself. And I also passionately play table tennis every day for my health.

Our company has been producing toothbrushes and dental floss for over 20 years, and in recent years, we have printed, packaged and delivered promotional materials and souvenirs for campaigns. In our company, disabled and non-disabled people work together. We all want to be happy and we are working hard together.

I hope to live the day that is given to me today hard and happily.
I thank God for giving me this day~~ I hope that I will live according to the word that tells the world to live like light and salt.

Corrected Version: 

Let me introduce myself briefly. I want to express myself as a boy with many dreams. 
I'm constantly learning and doing something everyday. <Always and constantly almost mean the same thing, so it would be better if you only use 1 word in 1 sentence.>

After becoming the CEO of Hen-in-Han, the learning seems to have become more intense. I have been studying business administration for two years to run the business well, and I am studying English and trade to export hand-in-hand toothbrushes. I also passionately play table tennis every day for my health. <Just minor corrections on article <such as the and a/an> usage in this paragraph. :)> 

Our company has been producing toothbrushes and dental floss for over 20 years, and in recent years, we have printed, packaged and delivered promotional materials and souvenirs for campaigns. 
Our company employs persons with disabilities (PWD) and everyone gets along well with everybody. <In formal English language, the term persons with disabilities or PWD is more commonly used.> 

We all want to be happy and we are working hard together.

I hope to live each day given to me happily. I thank God for giving me this day. I hope to live like light and salt just like what the word tells the world to do. <Just minor corrections too.> 

----

It's nice to finally get to know some cool things about you, Elliot! Thank you for sharing it with me. :-) 

Have a great night and weekend ahead and see you again next week! ^^


~Teacher Miya ^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120216 What do you think is the best age to be? Explain your opinion. ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 4
120215 How do you think the discovery of fire changed the life of... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 629
120214 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 1
120213 The reason why there are generally few women in top positions. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 588
120212 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 781
120211 Homework {06/27} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 328
120210 last Sat in couples\' gathering Á¶*Çý ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 662
120209 Homework For 06.27.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 2
120208 Identify ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 3
120207 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 421
120206 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 1236
120205 study of phrasal verb Á¶*Çý ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 700
120204 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 1
120203 Do you worry about your health when you eat salty, sugary, and... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 737
120202 The first case of monkeypox has been confirmed in Korea. What... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 0
120201 Would you rather eat out or cook at home on special days? ¹Ú*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 876
120200 greeting ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 856
120199 homework À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 803
120198 sad ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 784
120197 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04