¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2022-05-13 293

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Should poor people be punished for stealing if they are stealing to feed their families?

Of course. Because It is a crime. They need to be punished less, but it doesn't tell they don't be punished. The punishment must be done to every criminal regardless economic environment. If they don't have money, they don't steal, they just work.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Won! 

Yes, a crime is a crime. The law excuses no one. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Of course. Because It is a crime. 
>> Of course because it is a crime. 

They need to be punished less, but it doesn't tell they don't be punished. 
>> They need to be punished but not as severe as other criminals. 

The punishment must be done to every criminal regardless economic environment. 
>> Every criminal should be punished regardless of their reasons. 

If they don't have money, they don't steal, they just work.
>> If they don't have money, they shouldn't steal but work instead. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118974 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 320
118973 Is there something you wish you could do with your free time but... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 216
118972 Where do you prefer to live when you retire, in the city or in... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 1
118971 5.12 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 223
118970 5.12 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 318
118969 Homework. ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 11
118968 Do you think gadgets improved our lives? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 1
118967 Is there something you wish you could do with your free time but... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 311
118966 What do you miss most about your childhood? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 328
118965 5/12 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 206
118964 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 3
118963 Why do many people from different parts of the world want to... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 330
118962 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 1
118961 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 2
118960 Why do people sometimes think that doing homework is boring? ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 2
118959 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 3
118958 Right? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 1
118957 How often do you travel? And why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 271
118956 Strange food. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 218
118955 Keeping myself updated. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04