¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*¿ì
2022-05-11 248

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to change ways to educate students because people think it is too much to study. For example, foreign study styles are pretty accessible, but the Korean style is too tight for students because it is too tiring.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kane! 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon. 

I want to change ways to educate students because people think it is too much to study.
>> I want to change the education system for students because they study too much. 

 For example, foreign study styles are pretty accessible, but the Korean style is too tight for students because it is too tiring
>>  For example, foreign study is pretty accessible but the system here is so tight which causes a lot of students to get tired. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120999 What is the best thing to do to stay healthy? Do you consider... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 2293
120998 Among those you are not related to, who has helped you most in... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 591
120997 Are men better chefs than women or are women better chefs than... ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 294
120996 What is your best school memory and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 517
120995 Why do you think students get bad grades? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 645
120994 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 554
120993 I don¡¯t want to sleep in the jungle. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 763
120992 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 872
120991 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 0
120990 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 764
120989 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 586
120988 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 2
120987 How Has Your Experience Prepared You for This Role or position? À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 719
120986 About being organized. ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 1
120985 How can the nutrients in dairy foods improve the body¡¯s ability... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 839
120984 Sleeping Patterns Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 1
120983 homewokr Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 704
120982 Do you think diets are useful or not? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 3
120981 Tell me the most important lesson that your parents taught you? ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 604
120980 Describe a stressful experience ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04