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서비스 입니다.

Which one do you think is better, living with relatives or living alone? Explain your answer.

작성자: 이*
2022-05-04 164

회원님의 영작문

I was independent when I was young.well, still I am. I always want to living by myself so I tried live apart my parents house. however, parents strongly rejected my willing. even when I was 20. so i was, partly, living with my friends in seoul. I got a job in seoul, and I was studying in seoul. but I was living in my parents's.
according to my experiences, it is a great idea that living alone so that we get to know how is the society going over the my world that built in my childhood. the world is so vast and so harsh and so mean and hard it is really hard but we need to know how hard it is. how different with the imaginary life from tv, internet. we need to experience that part of life.
for sure, there must be good things to have. we can make friends, we can see the bright side of the society but those things are protected by parents nest. the sight of see the world must have been narrow. so, we need to break out from the nest to the world.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Lim! 

You've been through a lot already but it's a good thing because you are very independent now. You don't need to rely on other people to survive. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon

I was independent when I was young.well, still I am. 
>> I was independent when I was young. Well I still am. 

I always want to living by myself so I tried live apart my parents house. 
>> I've always wanted to live by myself so I tried to live apart from my parent's house. 

however, parents strongly rejected my willing. 
>> However, my parents strongly rejected my will even if I was 20 years old that time. 

even when I was 20.
>>CONNECT WITH THE SENTENCE ABOVE. 

so i was, partly, living with my friends in seoul. 
>> So, I was partly living with my friends that time in Seoul. 

I got a job in seoul, and I was studying in seoul. but I was living in my parents's.
>> I got  a job and studied in Seoul but I was still living at my parents during that time. 

according to my experiences, it is a great idea that living alone so that we get to know how is the society going over the my world that built in my childhood. 
>> According to my experiences, it is a great idea to live  alone so that we get to know how the society is in this world. 

the world is so vast and so harsh and so mean and hard it is really hard but we need to know how hard it is. 
>> The world is so vast, harsh, mean and hard but we need to know what it's like. 

how different with the imaginary life from tv, internet. 
>> We need to know how reality is different from things that we see in television, internet or our imagination. 

we need to experience that part of life.
>> We need to experience that part of life.

for sure, therde must be good things to have. 
>> For sure there must've been good things that we can have. 

we can make friends, we can see the bright side of the society but those things are protected by parents nest. 
>> we can make friends and we can see the bright side of the society but we can't experience these things if we stay in the nest of our parents. 

the sight of see the world must have been narrow. 
>> The way we see the world must've been so narrow. 

so, we need to break out from the nest to the world.
>> This is why we need to break free from the nest and into the real world. 
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