¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Which one do you think is better, living with relatives or living alone? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*
2022-05-04 233

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I was independent when I was young.well, still I am. I always want to living by myself so I tried live apart my parents house. however, parents strongly rejected my willing. even when I was 20. so i was, partly, living with my friends in seoul. I got a job in seoul, and I was studying in seoul. but I was living in my parents's.
according to my experiences, it is a great idea that living alone so that we get to know how is the society going over the my world that built in my childhood. the world is so vast and so harsh and so mean and hard it is really hard but we need to know how hard it is. how different with the imaginary life from tv, internet. we need to experience that part of life.
for sure, there must be good things to have. we can make friends, we can see the bright side of the society but those things are protected by parents nest. the sight of see the world must have been narrow. so, we need to break out from the nest to the world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Lim! 

You've been through a lot already but it's a good thing because you are very independent now. You don't need to rely on other people to survive. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon

I was independent when I was young.well, still I am. 
>> I was independent when I was young. Well I still am. 

I always want to living by myself so I tried live apart my parents house. 
>> I've always wanted to live by myself so I tried to live apart from my parent's house. 

however, parents strongly rejected my willing. 
>> However, my parents strongly rejected my will even if I was 20 years old that time. 

even when I was 20.
>>CONNECT WITH THE SENTENCE ABOVE. 

so i was, partly, living with my friends in seoul. 
>> So, I was partly living with my friends that time in Seoul. 

I got a job in seoul, and I was studying in seoul. but I was living in my parents's.
>> I got  a job and studied in Seoul but I was still living at my parents during that time. 

according to my experiences, it is a great idea that living alone so that we get to know how is the society going over the my world that built in my childhood. 
>> According to my experiences, it is a great idea to live  alone so that we get to know how the society is in this world. 

the world is so vast and so harsh and so mean and hard it is really hard but we need to know how hard it is. 
>> The world is so vast, harsh, mean and hard but we need to know what it's like. 

how different with the imaginary life from tv, internet. 
>> We need to know how reality is different from things that we see in television, internet or our imagination. 

we need to experience that part of life.
>> We need to experience that part of life.

for sure, therde must be good things to have. 
>> For sure there must've been good things that we can have. 

we can make friends, we can see the bright side of the society but those things are protected by parents nest. 
>> we can make friends and we can see the bright side of the society but we can't experience these things if we stay in the nest of our parents. 

the sight of see the world must have been narrow. 
>> The way we see the world must've been so narrow. 

so, we need to break out from the nest to the world.
>> This is why we need to break free from the nest and into the real world. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120476 What do you both like doing with your closest friend? ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 700
120475 Is it always necessary for a married couple to have kids? ¹é*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 784
120474 What was the last thing you returned or exchanged? Why?/ How... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 2
120473 What is your daily routine? ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 667
120472 Do you think people make bad decisions because of peer pressure?... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 1112
120471 Which is better, renting or buying? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 4
120470 Who influenced you the most in life? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 1412
120469 homework À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 678
120468 What are the advantages and disadvantages of working with a... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 643
120467 Who in your family or among your friends has the most... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 317
120466 What and who are your major influences for having your recent... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 778
120465 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 528
120464 How much time do you spend listening to music? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 399
120463 7/5 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 442
120462 Which artists/bands do you want to see at a music festival? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 497
120461 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 2
120460 What new hobbies would you like to try? ±è*°â ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 469
120459 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 2
120458 If a woman wants an abortion, what rights does the father have? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 865
120457 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-05 640

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04