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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What are the pros and cons of using online banking/ transactions?

작성자: 황*하
2022-04-25 156

회원님의 영작문

There are numerous advantages to use online banking service. Firstly, we can save a lot of time, if we use it because there is usually a long queue at bank and they are commonly located in a downtown. People can do other tasks rather than visiting a bank. Secondly, it allows people transfer their money regardless of time and a place. We used to go to bank to withdraw money and if it is a big amount of money, we are usually issued a check book for safety. Online banking make these process simple. We just need to bring our smart phone and are asked to input security code whenever we have things to do at a bank. Lastly, it is really convenient to use direct debit service of utility fees. However, there are few disadvantages that is related with security. There is a potential harm from a hacker although, it is protected from vaccine program, hackers can access banking service with their special skills and then they might steal someone's money. Thus, customers need to be careful to use it.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

There are numerous advantages to use online banking service. 
>> There are numerous advantages in using online banking service. 
Firstly, we can save a lot of time, if we use it because there is usually a long queue at bank and they are commonly located in a downtown. 
>> Firstly, we can save a lot of time if we use it, because there is usually a long queu at banks and they are commonly located downtown. 
People can do other tasks rather than visiting a bank. 
>> CORRECT!
Secondly, it allows people transfer their money regardless of time and a place. 
>> Secondly, it allows people to transfer their money regardless of time and place. 
We used to go to bank to withdraw money and if it is a big amount of money, we are usually issued a check book for safety. 
>> CORRECT!
Online banking make these process simple. 
>> Online banking makes these processes simple. 
OR >> Online banking makes the process simple.
We just need to bring our smart phone and are asked to input security code whenever we have things to do at a bank. 
>> We just need to bring our smart phones and input the security code whenever we have things to do at a bank. 
Lastly, it is really convenient to use direct debit service of utility fees. 
>> CORRECT!
However, there are few disadvantages that is related with security. 
>> CORRECT!
There is a potential harm from a hacker although, it is protected from vaccine program, hackers can access banking service with their special skills and then they might steal someone's money. 
>> CORRECT!
Thus, customers need to be careful to use it.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Thus, customers need to be vigilant in using it.
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