¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Hi, Elly! I need to edit it.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*¼±
2022-04-25 99

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I just started majoring in Marriage and Family Therapy at Daybreak University. One of my goals is that after graduating from this University, I would like to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. The reason why I would like to be a therapist is to heal and transform myself, my family, and the people around me. As an ordained pastor in Korean Methodist Church, I yearn to let people know God¡¯s love through my profession. My husband is a pastor at Henderson UMC. I usually visit with him when he does pastoral visitations and care. What I have learned so far is that if pastors or their spouses have a professional license in counseling or therapy that would be great for effective ministry. If I got the chance to help people who have to suffer from marriage and family issues, I want to be the one who can help and support them. Above all else, as a person, mom, and pastor¡¯s wife, I expect growth in my innermost self through studying at Daybreak University.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Pastor,
I hope the editing was to your satisfaction.
May GOD open the doors for you.
GOD bless and take care.
T.Elly.
Hi, Elly! I need to edit it.
CORRECT!
or>>I have to edit this.
I just started majoring in Marriage and Family Therapy at Daybreak University. 
>>I just started studying at Daybreak University, majoring in Marriage and Family Therapy.  
One of my goals is that after graduating from this University, I would like to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. 
CORRECT!
or>>One of my goals is to be a Marriage and Family Therapist after graduating from the University,
The reason why I would like to be a therapist is to heal and transform myself, my family, and the people around me. 
CORRECT!
or>>I would like to be a therapist because I need some healing and transformation myself, including my family, and the people around me. 
As an ordained pastor in the Korean Methodist Church, I yearn to let people know about God¡¯s love through my profession. 
CORRECT!
or>>As an ordained pastor in a Korean Methodist Church, I yearn to show the people and let them know about God¡¯s love through my profession. 
My husband is a pastor at Henderson UMC. 
CORRECT!
or>>My husband works as a pastor at Henderson UMC. 
I usually visit with him when he does pastoral visitations and care. 
>>I usually go with him when he does pastoral visitations and care. 
What I have learned so far is that if pastors or their spouses have a professional license in counseling or therapy that would be great for effective ministry. 
>>What I have learned so far is that if pastors or their spouses have a professional license in counseling or therapy, it would help them greatly in having an effective ministry. 
If I got the chance to help people who have to suffer from marriage and family issues, I want to be the one who can help and support them. 
>>If I got the chance to help people who are suffering from marriage and family issues, I want to be the one who can help and support them. 
Above all else, as a person, mom, and pastor¡¯s wife, I expect growth in my innermost self through studying at Daybreak University.
>>Above all else, as a person, a mom, and a pastor¡¯s wife, I expect growth in my innermost self through studying at Daybreak University.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118526 home work ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 94
118525 What kinds of personality traits do you hate? And why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 79
118524 My true abilities and intelligence. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 87
118523 What is your worst experience in life that you can\'t forget?... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 102
118522 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 93
118521 home work ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 78
118520 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 117
118519 Books are now being produced in electronic format which can be... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 130
118518 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 2
118517 The cook ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 2
118516 My worst experience ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 188
118515 Can you name three jobs you can be good at? ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 114
118514 Homework ÇÏ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 3
118513 What is your worst experience in life that you can\'t forget?... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 167
118512 money ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 100
118511 4.25 homework Çö*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 106
118510 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 1
118509 How do you usually spend your weekend? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 244
118508 2022.4.25 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 98
118507 Do you like talking with people? È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-26 6

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04