¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What benefits do you think the compulsory military will give to the individual and country as a whol

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2022-04-22 148

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Men in Korea should serve military service as mandatory if they don't have serious disabilities. They have to go to the army in their 20th which can be the most active age in their life and the most important time to prepare their future by studying their majors. If their are athletes, they might have problem to improve their skills. It might be time to take away their chance to become well-known sports players. Although, most people believe that they waste thier time in the military service, there are a few advantages. Firstly, they realize how their parents valuable are because they miss their family a lot due to hard tranning. Secondly, it can be turning point in their life. Some people don't know what they would like to do when they reach the age to get a job and most men spend their time to enjoy with their friends instead of preparing for their jobs. They finally realize the importance of preperation for their future life in the army. Finally, they can keep their health well

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Men in Korea should serve military service as mandatory if they don't have serious disabilities. 
>> Men in Korea should serve the military if they don't have serious disabilities. 
OR >> Men in Korea should serve the military if they don't have serious health problems. 
They have to go to the army in their 20th which can be the most active age in their life and the most important time to prepare their future by studying their majors. 
>> CORRECT!
If their are athletes, they might have problem to improve their skills. 
>> If they are athletes, they might have problems to improve their skills. 
It might be time to take away their chance to become well-known sports players.
>> It might take away their chance to become well-known sports players.
 Although, most people believe that they waste thier time in the military service, there are a few advantages. 
>>  Although, most people believe that they waste their time in the military, there are a few advantages. 
OR >> Although, most people believe that they waste their time serving in the military, there are a few advantages. 
Firstly, they realize how their parents valuable are because they miss their family a lot due to hard tranning. 
>> Firstly, they realize how valuable their parents are because they miss their family a lot due to hard training. 
Secondly, it can be turning point in their life. 
>> Secondly, it can be a turning point in their life. 
Some people don't know what they would like to do when they reach the age to get a job and most men spend their time to enjoy with their friends instead of preparing for their jobs. 
>> CORRECT!
They finally realize the importance of preperation for their future life in the army.
>> They finally realize the importance of preparation for their future life in the army.
 Finally, they can keep their health well.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119004 When was the last time you said you were sorry? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 2
119003 If you can change something about the government of South Korea,... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 0
119002 5.13 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 175
119001 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 175
119000 Writing Task(May 13th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 175
118999 5/13 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 186
118998 I can¡¯t live in another country. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 207
118997 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 0
118996 In our country, there are some common practices. First, the... ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 192
118995 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 171
118994 How would you describe an ideal weekend? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 225
118993 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 2
118992 Do you think bullying should be made a crime or is it part of... ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 0
118991 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 195
118990 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 227
118989 Describe the most interesting person you met on one of your... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 184
118988 What is your opinion about the increasing number of unmarried... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 179
118987 Is there something you wish you could do with your free time but... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 178
118986 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 168
118985 HOMEWORK: ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 161

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04