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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

More people in your country believe that your nation should pursue the goal of wealth distribution.

작성자: 황*하
2022-04-21 229

회원님의 영작문

How fair is our country is the major issue in this era. People are wondering if it is the best way to maintain democraticy because It looks like that the results have been already decided to the rich people benificial although,it provides same opportunities and the process is equeal under the democracy. We have experienced a lot of unvisible discreminations since we were born. Rich people can get the best education from a private tutor whereas, general students receive free public education. There are people who were born with silver spoon in thier mouth, they are growing up without any problem regarding eating, housing and wearing. On the other hand, people who were born in a poor household have suffered from poverty. They usually find a job earier than rich people due to their financial problem, even though they are smart. So, I don't agree that democratic countries give same chances to their citizens.I believe that country have to consider distribution for all people at top priority

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


How fair is our country is the major issue in this era. 
>> CORRECT!
People are wondering if it is the best way to maintain democraticy because It looks like that the results have been already decided to the rich people benificial although,it provides same opportunities and the process is equeal under the democracy. 
>> People are wondering if it is the best way to maintain democracy because it looks like that the results have been already decided to the rich people benificial although, it provides same opportunities, and the process is equeal under the democracy. 
We have experienced a lot of unvisible discreminations since we were born. 
>> We have experienced a lot of unvisible discrminations since we were born. 
Rich people can get the best education from a private tutor whereas, general students receive free public education. 
>> CORRECT!
There are people who were born with silver spoon in thier mouth, they are growing up without any problem regarding eating, housing and wearing. 
>> There are people who were born with silver spoon in their mouth, they are growing up without any problem regarding eating, housing, and wearing clothing. 
On the other hand, people who were born in a poor household have suffered from poverty. 
>> CORRECT!
They usually find a job earier than rich people due to their financial problem, even though they are smart. 
>> They usually find a job earlier than rich people due to their financial problem, even though they are smart. 
So, I don't agree that democratic countries give same chances to their citizens.
>> CORRECT!
I believe that country have to consider distribution for all people at top priority
>> I believe that the country has to consider the distribution for all people at top priority.

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