¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you will invest your money in something, what would it be and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-04-11 230

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I have a lot of money and could invest my money in something, that it would be a new technology.
Nowadays, people are causing many kinds of pollution.
And we need a new technology that can reduce the amounts of pollution because the pollution could damage us.
And also we may save a lot of people who are dying with a new technology.
Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology if I have a lot of money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Investments are really good but it still depends if you know how it works or not. You need to be knowledgeable about it first. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

If I have a lot of money and could invest my money in something, that it would be a new technology.
>> 
If I have a lot of money and could invest it in something, it would be on a new technology. 

Nowadays, people are causing many kinds of pollution.
>> CORRECT

And we need a new technology that can reduce the amounts of pollution because the pollution could damage us.
>> This is why we need a new technology that can reduce the amount of pollution because it can cause damages to us. 

And also we may save a lot of people who are dying with a new technology.
>> Also, we can save a lot of people from dying. 

Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology if I have a lot of money.
>> Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117555 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 1
117554 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 350
117553 My grandchild ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 0
117552 For you, what language is difficult to learn? Why? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 858
117551 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 507
117550 About captive animals. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 486
117549 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 562
117548 English ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 514
117547 What is the worst experience you¡¯ve had on public... ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 536
117546 Writing Task(Mar 17th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 757
117545 Writing Task(Mar 16th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 808
117544 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 2
117543 Writing Task(Mar 18th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 703
117542 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 3
117541 I want to be seated in a non-smoking area. ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 407
117540 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 730
117539 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 331
117538 protain ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 678
117537 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 436
117536 How does age affect a person¡¯s ability to learn a new language? Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 513

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04