¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you will invest your money in something, what would it be and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-04-11 184

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I have a lot of money and could invest my money in something, that it would be a new technology.
Nowadays, people are causing many kinds of pollution.
And we need a new technology that can reduce the amounts of pollution because the pollution could damage us.
And also we may save a lot of people who are dying with a new technology.
Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology if I have a lot of money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Investments are really good but it still depends if you know how it works or not. You need to be knowledgeable about it first. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

If I have a lot of money and could invest my money in something, that it would be a new technology.
>> 
If I have a lot of money and could invest it in something, it would be on a new technology. 

Nowadays, people are causing many kinds of pollution.
>> CORRECT

And we need a new technology that can reduce the amounts of pollution because the pollution could damage us.
>> This is why we need a new technology that can reduce the amount of pollution because it can cause damages to us. 

And also we may save a lot of people who are dying with a new technology.
>> Also, we can save a lot of people from dying. 

Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology if I have a lot of money.
>> Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117957 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 1
117956 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 432
117955 violence ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 355
117954 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 140
117953 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 481
117952 HOMEWORK: ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 230
117951 Have you ever done a small crime before? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 6
117950 Do you think history repeats itself? Explain your answer. ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 247
117949 Describe a time when you told your friend an important truth. ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-03 388
117948 Is Will Smith¡¯s act justifiable? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-03 1
117947 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-03 201
117946 What are your favorite cultural heritages so far? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-03 397
117945 The violence ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-03 3
117944 I usually eat the ordered foods once or twice a week. ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-03 462
117943 Writing Task (Mar 31th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-04-03 291
117942 Writing Task(Apr 1th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-04-02 498
117941 Are you afraid of getting old? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-04-02 345
117940 Be careful! Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 936
117939 4/1 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 368
117938 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 502

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04