¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you will invest your money in something, what would it be and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-04-11 190

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I have a lot of money and could invest my money in something, that it would be a new technology.
Nowadays, people are causing many kinds of pollution.
And we need a new technology that can reduce the amounts of pollution because the pollution could damage us.
And also we may save a lot of people who are dying with a new technology.
Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology if I have a lot of money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Investments are really good but it still depends if you know how it works or not. You need to be knowledgeable about it first. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

If I have a lot of money and could invest my money in something, that it would be a new technology.
>> 
If I have a lot of money and could invest it in something, it would be on a new technology. 

Nowadays, people are causing many kinds of pollution.
>> CORRECT

And we need a new technology that can reduce the amounts of pollution because the pollution could damage us.
>> This is why we need a new technology that can reduce the amount of pollution because it can cause damages to us. 

And also we may save a lot of people who are dying with a new technology.
>> Also, we can save a lot of people from dying. 

Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology if I have a lot of money.
>> Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118482 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 2
118481 Bothering ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 3
118480 If you can change something about your lifestyle, what would it... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 238
118479 Thank you!! ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 270
118478 Hi, Elly! I need to edit it. ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 147
118477 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 1
118476 childhood image À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 149
118475 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 126
118474 More and more people today are moving away from where their... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 0
118473 What are these problems and how might they be reduced? ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 0
118472 Writing Task(Apr 22th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 154
118471 Writing Task(Apr 21th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 200
118470 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 2
118469 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 0
118468 What kind of sport do you want to try? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 159
118467 Do you think there should be a law that requires everyone to... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 1
118466 4/22 h.w Çö*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 240
118465 4.21 homework Çö*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 126
118464 4.20 homework Çö*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 204
118463 Rural area. ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 183

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04