¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it\'s necessary to have plastic surgery if you are famous in order to be successful? Wh

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-04-08 236

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, it's unnecessary to have plastic surgery if I am famous.
We don't judge the people with their appearances.
The most important thing is how the people think and the personalities of the people.
Because of these reasons, it is unnecessary to have plastic surgery if we are famous.
But we can do it if we want.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Yes, it's our character that stands out in a crowd. We need to express self-love and show it to the world. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, it's unnecessary to have plastic surgery if I am famous.
>> CORRECT

We don't judge the people with their appearances.
>> We don't judge people based on their appearances.

The most important thing is how the people think and the personalities of the people.
>> The most important thing is how a person thinks and their personality. 

Because of these reasons, it is unnecessary to have plastic surgery if we are famous.
>> CORRECT

But we can do it if we want.
>> But we can do it if we want to as well. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117445 If you can change something in the past, what would it be? Share... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-17 706
117444 What do you have in your bucket list? Write 5 examples with... Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-17 598
117443 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 2
117442 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 196
117441 What should be avoided when traveling? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 444
117440 When people are wealthy or successful, do they have a special... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 778
117439 What will video games be like in the future? ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 831
117438 Catfish Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 431
117437 3/16 homwork ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 578
117436 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 0
117435 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 2
117434 What are your weaknesses? Explain in detail. ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 0
117433 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 0
117432 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 407
117431 What is your favorite place? Why? ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 1
117430 Do you prefer reading, listening, speaking, or writing lessons?... Àü*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 451
117429 What are your weaknesses? Explain in detail. Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 194
117428 Do you prefer spending time with family or friends? ¼Û*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 1066
117427 What is the most interesting hobby in your family? ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 582
117426 Writing Task(Mar 15th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-16 334

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04