¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Military Service

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*¿ì
2022-03-23 482

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it is important to serve the military service in Korea. Because Korea is war country, so I think it is importable to men to go serve military service.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Alex! 

Yes, that's true. This is for the safety and protection of South Korea against other countries that wants to colonize it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think it is important to serve the military service in Korea. 
>> I think it is important to serve the military service in Korea because our country is in war. 

Because Korea is war country, so I think it is importable to men to go serve military service.
>> This is why I think that it is important for men to serve the military. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117351 Homework °í*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 278
117350 homework Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 104
117349 What\'s your favorite art form? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 285
117348 2022.3.14 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 169
117347 Homework ½Å*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 3
117346 Are there any iconic locations, such as the Taj Mahal or the... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 475
117345 How can political campaigns be better organized? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 763
117344 Third homework À±*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 618
117343 Describe how it feels to be an English learner. What... ÇÑ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 366
117342 Give me one big mistake that you have done and what lesson have... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 581
117341 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 1
117340 Do you think voting for the lesser evil is better than not... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 346
117339 Alien ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 512
117338 3/14 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 589
117337 Sad Dependence on Oblivion ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 596
117336 About Gayageum ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 2
117335 Do young people use their cell phones too much? Do you think... Àü*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 674
117334 Do you agree that changes in the business and economic sector... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 182
117333 Give me one big mistake that you have done and what lesson have... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 659
117332 Exciting experience ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 695

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04