¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it is important for men to join the military service in South Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-03-22 1101

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, actually, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.
We can see that North Korea is making a lot of weapons and doing experiments.
But I think it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.
U.S wants to keep in check to China, and North Korea knows it.
Because of that, North Korea is afraid of the attack from U.S.
So I think they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.
And also if they make a war with South Korea, then they will get more damages because of the war.
But we have to always be careful about the war.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, actually, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.
>> In my opinion, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.

We can see that North Korea is making a lot of weapons and doing experiments.
>>CORRECT

But I think it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.
>> But I think that it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.

U.S wants to keep in check to China, and North Korea knows it.
>> The USA wants to keep in check with China and North Korea knows it. 

Because of that, North Korea is afraid of the attack from U.S.
>> And because of that, North Korea is afraid of USA. 

So I think they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.
>> I think that they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.

And also if they make a war with South Korea, then they will get more damages because of the war.
>> Also, if there is a war here in South Korea, it will cause a lot of damages. 

But we have to always be careful about the war.
>> This is why we have to be careful regarding wars. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117287 Talk about the time when you handled the difficult customer. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 788
117286 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 798
117285 Do you believe in aliens? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 0
117284 Have you ever worked in fast-paced environment? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 599
117283 1. impeccable 2. let someone down 3. synergy ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 664
117282 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-12 775
117281 What do you do to avoid catching COVID-19? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-12 972
117280 Do you believe in aliens? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-12 993
117279 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-12 0
117278 I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below. ½Å*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-12 1113
117277 2022.3.11 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-12 1007
117276 If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Why? ¼Û*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 922
117275 3/11 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 233
117274 I think cooking is not an art Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 731
117273 Do you believe in aliens? Why or why not? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 321
117272 What is the most dangerous sport? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 527
117271 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 0
117270 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 3
117269 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 0
117268 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04