¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it is important for men to join the military service in South Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-03-22 1009

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, actually, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.
We can see that North Korea is making a lot of weapons and doing experiments.
But I think it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.
U.S wants to keep in check to China, and North Korea knows it.
Because of that, North Korea is afraid of the attack from U.S.
So I think they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.
And also if they make a war with South Korea, then they will get more damages because of the war.
But we have to always be careful about the war.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, actually, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.
>> In my opinion, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.

We can see that North Korea is making a lot of weapons and doing experiments.
>>CORRECT

But I think it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.
>> But I think that it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.

U.S wants to keep in check to China, and North Korea knows it.
>> The USA wants to keep in check with China and North Korea knows it. 

Because of that, North Korea is afraid of the attack from U.S.
>> And because of that, North Korea is afraid of USA. 

So I think they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.
>> I think that they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.

And also if they make a war with South Korea, then they will get more damages because of the war.
>> Also, if there is a war here in South Korea, it will cause a lot of damages. 

But we have to always be careful about the war.
>> This is why we have to be careful regarding wars. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117915 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 1
117914 Can men be feminists. In what instances ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 4
117913 Is going to a private institution necessary to excel in classes?... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 2
117912 Do you think there is still inequality between men and women... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 585
117911 Is traditional equivalent to conservative? Why or why not? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 4
117910 Homework ÀÓ*ÃÑ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 2
117909 2022.3.31 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 480
117908 Do you think there is still inequality between men and women... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 172
117907 What are some problems you encounter on holidays? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-04-01 1
117906 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 0
117905 3/31 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 189
117904 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 1
117903 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 1
117902 homewo ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 566
117901 Make sentence ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 422
117900 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 1
117899 Are social networking sites changing our daily behavior? ÃÖ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 627
117898 How often do you eat junk food? What is it about junk food that... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 240
117897 What is the best restaurant in your town and what do they serve... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 1
117896 I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below. ½Å*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 324

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04