¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it is important for men to join the military service in South Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-03-21 1348

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, I do. It is very important because that is the law. So, if someone break the rule, he must be going to take responsibility for it. I don't like demanding men to join the military. However, the war didn't end. We don't know when the war end and begin again. So, Koreans feel anxious but, thanks to armies, air forces and navies, Koreans can live in safer place. I'm very thankful to them. I hope that they can be rewarded.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly! 

Yes, people feel uneasy about war. The country would benefit from this a lot but sometimes it also has some disadvantages. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Yes, I do. 
>> CORRECT

It is very important because that is the law. 
>> CORRECT

So, if someone break the rule, he must be going to take responsibility for it. 
>>So if someone breaks the rule, he must take responsibilities for his actions. 

I don't like demanding men to join the military. 
>> CORRECT

However, the war didn't end. 
>> However, the war hasn't ended yet. 

We don't know when the war end and begin again. 
>> We don't know when the war will begin and end again. 

So, Koreans feel anxious but, thanks to armies, air forces and navies, Koreans can live in safer place. 
>> Koreans feel anxious about it. Thanks to armies, air forces and navies, Koreans can live in safer place. 

I'm very thankful to them. 
>> CORRECT

I hope that they can be rewarded.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119014 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 204
119013 Is there something you wish you could do with your free time but... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 0
119012 Easy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 2
119011 What are your short-term and long-term goals? ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 321
119010 Colleague-2 ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-15 7
119009 What else do you want to learn aside from your major? Answer in... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 310
119008 Middle school ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 6
119007 Drama ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 5
119006 What is the most memorable birthday you\'ve ever had? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 257
119005 What was the most memorable school activity you experienced when... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 265
119004 When was the last time you said you were sorry? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 2
119003 If you can change something about the government of South Korea,... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 0
119002 5.13 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 214
119001 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-14 249
119000 Writing Task(May 13th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 332
118999 5/13 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 273
118998 I can¡¯t live in another country. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 274
118997 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 0
118996 In our country, there are some common practices. First, the... ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 282
118995 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-13 267

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04