¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework!(About beauty)

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*°æ
2022-03-21 509

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it depends on the job.

People who show their appearance around need a beautiful appearance. For example, celebrities and people in the service industry can benefit more by cultivating themselves and looking beautiful.

However, people with other jobs don't have to be beautiful. Instead, you have to develop your own abilities and express yourself.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Happy Monday, Hazel! ^^
You've made great sentences in this composition. 
Keep it up!

- T. Rina

1. I think it depends on the job.
>> CORRECT!

2. People who show their appearance around need a beautiful appearance. 
>> CORRECT!
OR: People who always appear in front of many people need to look physically beautiful.

3. For example, celebrities and people in the service industry can benefit more by cultivating themselves and looking beautiful.
>> CORRECT!

4. However, people with other jobs don't have to be beautiful. 
>> CORRECT!

5. Instead, you have to develop your own abilities and express yourself.
>> CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117389 Do you watch TV or do you prefer to stream from the internet? ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 667
117388 Fill in the blanks using the correct idiom to complete the... Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 370
117387 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 0
117386 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 0
117385 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 2
117384 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 366
117383 How do you see yourself 10 years from now? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 299
117382 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 2
117381 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 347
117380 My hometown foods. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 539
117379 What is your dream home? What home improvements would you like... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 227
117378 Favorite Restaurant ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 584
117377 Tell me about the time you went above and beyond ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 232
117376 Give me one big mistake that you have done and what lesson have... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 0
117375 What if I don\'t have a mobile phone? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 498
117374 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 344
117373 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 316
117372 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 400
117371 Writing Task(Mar 14th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 492
117370 Give me one big mistake that you have done and what lesson have... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-15 768

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04