¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I can\'t believe still:(

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-03-07 1055

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Please be careful to talk.
I think every cases start yo begin at mouth.
This in the war between Russia and Ukraine, only young people died.
When I first saw that news, I think just how could they do that...
Young people they don't know every thing just the war broke out at the place where they thought it was only training.
I can't believe still. Now is 2022 but people they are still same a long time ago.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann!
 
I agree with you. Nothing good will come out from wars. It will not make anything better. They are just risking lives of innocent people. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Please be careful to talk.
>> We need to be careful with what we say. 

I think every cases start yo begin at mouth.
>> I think every war starts because of what people say. 

This in the war between Russia and Ukraine, only young people died.
>> Only young people died between the war or Ukraine and Russia, 

When I first saw that news, I think just how could they do that...
>> When I first saw it in the news, I was wondering how could they do such thing. 

Young people they don't know every thing just the war broke out at the place where they thought it was only training.
>> Young people don't know anything about wars since they were not trained. 

I can't believe still. Now is 2022 but people they are still same a long time ago.
>> I still can't believe it. It's already 2022 and people are still the same. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119632 What career do you want 10 years from now? Answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 670
119631 About next travel ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 0
119630 Two day\'s answer. ÇÑ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 786
119629 What is honesty? Are you always truthful? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 562
119628 Proposal ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 4
119627 What are the things we could do to protect ourselves from crime? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 656
119626 What makes me angry. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 697
119625 What is the strangest holiday or festival you have heard of? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 1074
119624 What other languages do you want to learn? Why? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 1
119623 homework ¿ø*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 757
119622 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 607
119621 Do you think that you should change your eating habits? Why or... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 0
119620 In marriages today, some argue that it is the responsibility of... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 0
119619 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 2
119618 The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 0
119617 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 2
119616 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 5
119615 Betray ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 1
119614 the war ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 692
119613 Do you feel comfortable when you stay at a hotel? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-06 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04